My Dad passed away 7 years ago today (that's me and him in the photo). I tell you that not because I want to start this blog off with sorrow, but because I want to celebrate him - and all dads in general. But first, let me tell you a little about mine. His name was Dr. George Robert Morgan, Jr. (the original Dr. Morgan!). As you can probably tell by this photo, he loved and adored me. And of course my sisters, too. He was a dentist, and people loved him. He was very successful in his practice, but maybe not for the reason you might think. Oh, I'm sure his dentistry skills were very good. But in my opinion, the reason he was so successful is because people liked him. He was a genuinely kind, loving person. He would talk to every patient as a friend and treated everyone with the utmost respect - whether they were a toddler or 100 years old - or if they were homeless or a millionaire. He would typically run an hour late because he just spent too much time chatting it up with his patients and making them feel good about themselves. He did things above and beyond what any other dentist or doctor did. For example, he would often send his receptionist to drive elderly patients who didn't have a license anymore to and from the office. And he would reduce or defer dental costs for people who couldn't afford it. All of this is to say one thing ... He was a really good man. But being a nice guy and a caring dentist is nothing compared to what a loving father he was. And I am honored and blessed to have been his daughter. Unfortunately, we live in a culture with a lot of "deadbeat dads." And there are a lot of deadbeat moms too, that's for sure. But the role of a father has changed over the last several decades. Stereotypically, mothers were the nurturers and fathers were the ones who made the money. And fathers were the "strong and silent" type. Dads of the past didn't always say or do loving things for their children. But my Dad did. Oh, how I appreciate that. You see, whenever I teach people about self-esteem, I always tell them, "I have pretty good self-esteem. But - I don't credit myself for that. I credit my parents for telling me good things about myself." And when I talk to a group of students who have yet to venture into the journey called parenthood, I always tell them this ...
"Be careful what you say to your children. Your voice will become their voice someday. So make sure you say positive things about them ... and the world." That's what my Dad did. He was loving, nurturing, and oh-so-proud of us. I know if I could sit down and have dinner with him again, those would be the first words out of his mouth: "I'm so proud of you, Carol!" So whether you are already a parent (or grandparent), or if you're just starting to think about the possibility, please take my words to heart: Be conscious of everything you say and do to children. Don't speak out of anger. Saying something like "You're a bad boy for doing that, Johnny!" is very different than "Johnny, you're good boy. What you did was wrong, but I know that you will make better choices in the future - I have faith in you." Essentially, the message is the same ("Don't do that again!"). But the long-term effect on the children's psyche is like night and day. A couple of weeks before my Dad died, I was going through a box of his personal and professional belongings. Wow, that man accomplished a lot with his life! (I think I have a lot of ground to cover before I catch up with him). But the most important thing he accomplished is being a good, kind, respectful, caring human being. And the best Daddy in the world. One of the things that I found in the box of his personal belongings was a family crest of the Morgan Clan. And it said, "Onward and Upward." We knew he was dying, so I felt like it was his secret, personal message to me. He would not want me, or my sisters, or the rest of our family to grieve him forever. Don't get me wrong. We all miss him terribly. But all I can do is continue to make him proud by living his legacy of love. Onward and upward, Dad. Onward and upward. I love you.
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Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who "don't judge people." Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "But Carol! We shouldn't judge people! It's wrong!" Yeah yeah. I know. I actually try VERY hard not to judge people. But there is a difference between judging people and allowing their bad behavior to continue in your life. For instance, I know someone who recently posted a song on Facebook that said it was her and her boyfriend's "song." And I thought, "Huh. Okay cool, let me listen to it." Well, here are the main lyrics of the chorus: "Now maybe ... I didn't mean to treat you bad. But I did it anyway." Wow. That got me thinking. I mean, this is "their song," and it says "I didn't mean to treat you bad. But I did it anyway." Does that mean that it's acceptable to tolerate mean behavior if the person "didn't mean to," but they still did it anyway? Nope. Now keep in mind, this person who treated her badly not only has a criminal past, but he beat her, starved her, and controlled her. But it's "their song." And I know someone else who was dating someone with a criminal past. Let me just say something about that: That's a red flag!!! Now, I'm not here to judge any of these people. Actually, I feel very sorry for them and hope they receive the help they need to love themselves enough to break free from a dysfunctional relationship. But you have to recognize dysfunction first. But you don't need to be a in a relationship with an abusive criminal to think about people's true character. I have also fallen victim to "not judging" so much that I has come back to bite me. For example, I learned that if you loaned someone money 5 years ago and they promise to pay you back ... but you are still waiting ... well, you know what I'm thinking. It ain't gonna happen! I went way too long "not judging" the person for not caring about paying me back and how that has affected me. But it sure taught me some valuable lessons. So here are 5 of the lessons I learned about seeing someone's TRUE character: 1. Pay attention to how they have behaved in the past. As Dr. Phil always says, "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior." Think about it. It's so simple that it makes you go "DUH!!" Of course!! Not that people can't change, but it's kind of rare. So if you want to know what someone is like, ask them questions about their past (if you just met them). If you haven't just met them, then look at what they have done. That says it all. 2. Look at their current behavior. They may have had a rough past. Okay, that's fine. No one is perfect! But are they taking action to change themselves for the better? Or are they still doing what they did in the past? As you can tell, this is closely related to #1. But if you're hoping that anyone is going to change so that they will be the person you want them to be, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. 3. Do their words and actions match? "I'll pay you back!" Oh, I've heard that one way too many times. "I won't hit you again!" I'm sure abused people have heard that too. You get the point. As the saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words." It's true. But sometimes we forget that. I know I have. 4. Watch for how they treat everyone. Do they suck up to their rich boss but they treat the person at the drive-thru window like dirt? If so, that's a bad sign. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect ... whether you are a ditch-digger or the CEO of a major Fortune 500 company. And don't forget to watch how they treat you too. It should be in a respectful and kind manner. ALWAYS. 5. Do you hear "that little voice in your head?" If you find yourself making excuses for their behavior and then getting a bad twinge somewhere in your body, that is probably your intuition screaming at you. Don't ignore it!! I know I have!! And it never turns out well!! If you have a bad feeing - it's probably accurate. Well, hopefully this blog didn't sound negative. I am actually trying to help you avoid any more unnecessary heartbreak or frustration. And so I hope I have given you food for thought. I truly hope that this helps you choose to spend your time with people who lift you HIGHER!! :) I frequently write and speak about how important it is to appreciate everything in your life. It's easy for some people, and not so easy for others. Obviously, most of the time the determining factor is how good your life is. Sure, feeling appreciation when life is going well is not nearly as difficult when it's not. I am one of the lucky ones who has a lot to be grateful for. However, the last couple of weeks has really tested my ability to stay positive during hard times. Let me tell you what happened. On Halloween night, my youngest son was trick-or-treating with his friends in the neighborhood. He had developed a cough that day, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I just figured he was catching a cold. However, he had to come inside the house during trick-or-treating so he could rest. That's not like him! But I figured, "Oh okay, this is going to be a bad cold, or maybe a respiratory virus." That weekend, he was at his dad's house - and he developed a VERY high temperature. We're talking like 103-104 degrees. And it just wouldn't go away. I took him to the doctor a couple of times that week. The doctor listened for pneumonia, but couldn't hear anything. But by the following Friday, he still was miserable and had a pretty high temperature (100-101). So the doctor recommended a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. Well, not only did he have pneumonia, he had a really bad case of it. They told us to take him to the emergency room at the Children's Hospital in town. After examining him, they immediately said they were going to admit him - for at least one night, maybe two. Like I said, I have been lucky. Sure, my kids have had colds and the flu - hasn't everyone? But the last time either of my sons stayed the night in a hospital was when they were born. I slept with him that night at the hospital. The nurses came in every hour to check on him. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But even in my dark moment of fear, I found gratitude. "Thank God it's 'only' pneumonia," I thought. That might sound weird. But I know way too many parents who are (or were) dealing with far worse things than pneumonia with their children. Some of their children have cancer, diabetes, or been killed in car accidents. So once again, I said ... "Thank God it's 'only' pneumonia." It was only yesterday that we learned just how bad his case was. All of the pediatricians at his doctor's office had looked at his x-ray and were talking about what a terrible case it was. Wow. He was kind of famous in the doctor's office. Not exactly what I would like him to be famous for, however! Another good thing is that he has bounced back so quickly. He was operating on only 75% of his lung capacity, and now he almost seems back to normal. The doctor said he has some powerful lungs and must be a healthy kid to recover so quickly. We all go through bad times. And it is difficult to find the silver lining sometimes. But I hope my story has given you a little inspiration for trying to find gratitude - even if your dark times. I hate to exercise. I'm sure I have written about this in my other blogs, so this is probably no surprise if you are one of my regular readers or on my mailing list. And how I wish to God that I loved it. I mean, I know a lot of people who actually do like to work out! They jog because it makes them feel good, and some of them even run marathons. Meanwhile, I always scratch my head and wonder why I wasn't given that natural love of exercise? Dang, that would be awesome. It would make staying healthy so much easier! But alas, I didn't get that gene. And because of that, I have struggled for all of my adult life trying to figure out a way to stop hating exercise. Don't get me wrong - I've gone through phases in my life where I do work out. But I think the longest I've ever stuck to it is about a year. And THAT is only because I had just had my first son, and my mom was helping out. She would come over to help me with the baby and let me go work out. Suddenly, the loathing of exercise was trumped by my desire for some "me-time" - away from my demanding baby for a little while (I know I sound like a bad mom, but anyone know knows me - and my son - would understand! LOL) Back then, I thought I had figured it out. The only way that I could even remotely stick to a work out routine was to buy a stationary bike and watch TV while I rode it. In my mind, I somehow thought that watching TV would make me "forget" that I was exercising. It didn't really work, but it was better than going to the gym. Fast forward 13 years, and I no longer find watching TV as a sufficient distraction to fool myself into exercising. Perhaps it is because I am no longer escaping a colicky baby (that colicky baby is now in the 8th grade so I have a built-in baby sitter - school ... haha). I can't tell you how I struggle with making lame excuses to myself ("something unexpected came up today") and then beating myself up over those excuses because I know it's a bunch of bull. I'm not good at lying to myself. I call myself out on it every time. So in the last week or so, I came up with another "brilliant idea." You see, one of the lame excuses I tell myself is that "If something unexpected comes up, I really can't find the time to get undressed, go in the basement and do a full workout for 45 minutes." So I decided to try something where I would not be able to use that excuse anymore. I decided that I would just exercise little bits throughout the day. That way, I could no longer tell myself that I couldn't commit to a 45 minute work-out. I brought up my hand weights and put them in the kitchen. When I get up from the computer, I now grab it and do 25 reps on each arm. Then go back to work. Then I'll do 25 sit ups when I feel like it. And go back to work. Later, I decide to go on a 20 minute walk. Then go back to work. And maybe after that I do some lunges and more sit ups. You see, it doesn't really feel like I'm "exercising" that way. I know that fitness experts would argue that it's not really doing me any good because I don't break a sweat or get my pulse up high enough. But here's my theory ... Moving my body is better than NOT moving my body. Am I going to run a marathon any time soon? Absolutely NOT!! That's would just be insane. Hell would have to freeze over before I would do that. But have I "sort of" come up with a way to be more active and burn some extra calories? Well, I hope so. I think so. Ask me in 6 months to see if I have stuck with it ;-) So how does this apply to you? We all have things that we hate doing. So maybe you could try doing something similar to what I'm doing. Break it up. Try to fool yourself. I'm not saying it will work for everyone, but it's worth a try. Heck, I'm just hoping it works for me. Wish me luck! :) I'm an odd person. And before all of my friends and family who are reading this burst out into laughter as they agree with me, let me clarify. By "odd," I mean that I don't fit into a "box" - regarding pretty much anything. In other words, lots of people clearly define themselves in one way or another. For example, some people CLEARLY have a "Type A / Perfectionist" personality. And some people CLEARLY have a "Type B / Laid Back" personality. Others are definite extroverts, and some are definite introverts. But I can't put myself in any clear category regarding many areas of my personality. So Iet me give you some examples and tell you 8 ways that I am "Both-And" ... 1. Extrovert - Introvert I think I was more of an introvert as child. But as I have gotten older, I have become more extroverted. I have more friends and more social activity. And I love it. But I also need my alone time. I think about things in my head before they come out of my mouth (an introvert characteristic). But I feel fired up when I'm with people (extrovert) and drained when I'm alone too much (extrovert). I could go on an on. But even the Myers-Briggs Personality test confirms this. I call myself a "Middlevert." 2. Feminine - Masculine I look feminine. I wear make-up, have long hair, care about my clothes, and care deeply about my relationships. But psychologically, sometimes I'm very masculine. I am logical and rational. Sometimes I even ignore my intuition because I have analyzed too much. Anyway, I could go on. But I'm clearly androgynous (meaning, I have a balance of both). 3. Hard Worker - Lazy I used to think I was more a lazy sort of person. I didn't try very hard in school. I just did enough to get by with good enough grades so that my mom wouldn't yell at me about them. But I've realized that when I am passionate about something, I turn into a workaholic. I'm like a freight train that can't be stopped (hard worker). But I still can't get my laundry done or clean my house as often as I should (lazy). 4. Opinionated - "I don't give a sh@#" If you were to see me at a faculty meeting, you would think that I'm mute. I hardly say a word. UNLESS, I actually have a strong opinion. Ask my sisters - sometimes they get afraid of me because when I have an opinion, I must come across as if I'm angry or something. I don't do it on purpose. But I'm either like that (opinionated) or a mute (don't give a sh@#"). 5. Structured - Disorganized My friends call me a "clock eater" because I eat my meals at pretty much the same time every day. I also plan my life - my calendar is booked months in advance (structured). But if you ever come over to my house, please don't look inside my cupboards, in my laundry room, or some of my drawers. They are a disaster (disorganized). 6. High Maintenance - Low Maintenance I like a comfy bed (no camping for me...high maintenance). I take a long time to get ready in the morning. I have high expectations of people's behavior who are close to me (high maintenance). But I also don't care if I don't talk to some of my friends for months - or even years. I don't care if they don't call me back after I call them. I don' take anything personally (low maintenance). 7. Picky - Don't Care I have been single for many years after my divorce because I have very high standards for who I want to get into a relationship with. I know what I want, and I'm willing to wait forever if that's what it takes (picky). And I only like being around friends who lift me up instead of drain me (picky). But I don't judge other people in general. I'm pretty much a "live and let live" person. I don't care what you do - just be yourself (don't care). 8. Optimist - Pessimist I generally think of myself as an optimist. I believe that good things happen, I am happy, and I always encourage others to believe in themselves and their dreams. I teach people to have a positive viewpoint on life. But sometimes when I get a headache, I fear I have a brain tumor or that I am having a stroke (pessimist / hypochondriac). This blog is not intended to be an opportunity to talk about myself. And it's not intended for you to get a rare glimpse into my complicated psyche. But it is intended for you to think about the "both-and" areas of yourself. Honestly, I'm probably not that odd. Maybe a lot of you reading this were nodding your head in agreement when I was talking about my "both-ands." Keep in mind that it's okay to not fit into a "box." It's okay to have one foot in different boxes. In fact, it's not only okay, I think it makes you kind of interesting! #Iambiased #LOL I have a personal story to share with you this week regarding something that's been happening in my life, and how that relates to the Law of Attraction. If you haven't heard about the Law of Attraction, let me give you a brief overview. It was made popular several years ago by the book The Secret, although it's a concept that has been around for a very long time. Anyway, the point behind it is that your thoughts and emotions are actual vibrations that can be measured. Positive emotions like love and appreciation vibrate the fastest. And the negative, fear-based emotions like hatred, greed, or jealousy, vibrate very slowly. Think about it - when you feel loved and appreciated (or when you are experiencing loving or appreciating something), don't you feel good?? You feel like you can conquer the world! But on the other hand, when you feel negative emotions such as having to pay your bills when you don't have enough in your bank account, doesn't that make you feel bad? So how does this relate to my story? Well, for most of my adult life, I have felt that I was supposed to do 'more.' What that meant, I wasn't exactly sure. I love my 'day job' of being a professor, but I always felt a nagging in my heart that there was something else that I was supposed to do as well. Rewind about 10 years ago, and my vision started to take shape a bit. I envisioned some sort of online learning community where we all help each other to be better versions of ourselves. - a place for self-growth in a community setting. I had the idea. I just didn't have the technical or marketing skills to execute it. So about a year ago, I decided to put the Law of Attraction in action. And here's what happened... I made a vision board. For those of you who don't know what that is, I literally got a poster board and pasted photos on it - things or experiences that represented my goals. I put words on it like "helping people" and "paying it forward." I hung it up in my house and looked at it every day. Not much happened for a while. But about 2 months ago, God/The Universe just plopped something into my lap as if saying, "Here you go, Carol. Here's the opportunity you've been looking for all these years." What is it? I'm so happy you finally asked! ;-) It's called ABetterMeMagazine.com. Several months ago, the owners of the site found me through an article I wrote on another motivational website. Since then, we have formed a long-distant friendship, and then it happened. This website needed someone to take it over. It needed a vision. It needed passion. In short, it needed me (not to sound full of myself! Lol). But I needed them too. The owners of the site have the technical and marketing background that I was so sorely lacking all these years. And I had the passion and commitment to carry out their vision of where the wanted the site to go. In other words, they are the missing piece to my puzzle. And hopefully I am to theirs as well. We have just re-branded ourselves (the photo on this blog is the new logo - based on an ancient Celtic symbol of Mind/Body/Spirit and personal growth). And we also just re-launched the site. And I have BIG plans. Here's a sneak peek: webinars, video web show ('A Better Me TV'), opportunities for writers and authors to make their work known to the world. And much, much, more. So please take the time to check out our site: ABetterMeMagazine.com. And also please 'like' us on Facebook (click here). If the Law of Attraction worked for me, it can work for you. It might have taken a while to manifest my dream, but it happened. So don't give up on your dream if it hasn't come to fruition yet. Keep your vision and take action! It will happen someday!! :) ************* Be a part of my next book on INTUITION!!! Click here!! The other evening, I was sitting on my couch watching Oprah's Lifeclass (or it might have been Super Soul Sunday - I can't remember because I watch them both). But the exact show is actually not relevant. Anyway, I was sitting there in bliss because I love learning. Even if I have already learned the lesson they are teaching on the show, I love to see other people in the process of learning. It's exciting! Gee, maybe that's why I became a professor, huh? :) #geekedout But here's the sad reality. I was also sitting there thinking about how I used to read books a lot more than I do now. The only books I typically read are the non-fiction self-helpish / spiritual kinds. In other words, I don't do novels. Okay, let me confess. I did go through my Danielle Steel phase right after college, and I read the Fifty Shades of Grey series - but only to see what all the fuss was about (don't judge me! Lol). But that's about it. I guess I just see books as a learning tool, and fiction doesn't do much except exercise my imagination (not that there's anything wrong with that). So, why don't I read much anymore? I could come up with a whole list of reasons - busy with raising kids, career, feeling like I've reached a saturation point sometimes with information. And those are all true. But if I'm really honest with myself, I have to admit that social media sucks up my time too (just Facebook, really). Now don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm the kind of person who posts 20 times a day and takes selfies at every turn. But I do like to 'see what everyone is up to' on Facebook. I never really added up how much time I spend doing that, but I'm sure it's more than I care to admit. And here's a scary statistic based on research - the average person spends 3.5 hours a day on social media! Holy Batman!! That's crazy. Think about what we could all accomplish with that time if we didn't 'waste' it. I'm pretty sure I don't spend that much time on Facebook, but still. I think you get my point. So that got me to thinking about why we should all probably scale back on social media. Here are some of my top reasons: 1. It gives you time to read a book and exercise your mind. Whether it's a self-help book or a dirty novel, at least your're exercising your brain and imagination. Maybe I'm crazy, but I think that's probably better than posting selfies all day. Just saying. 2. It gives you time to spend with your family and friends. I think a lot of people have lost the art of face-to-face conversation. I know adults who post on their siblings' walls instead of going out to dinner together (when they live in the same town). That's sad. And I think it's especially important to teach the younger generation that social media is actually not 'social.' But we adults have to model that behavior for them. 3. It means that you are living consciously. One of the BIG messages that I teach in all my classes is to stop living unconsciously. In other words, take your blinders off and look at yourself. Why do you do what you do? If you just answered, "Ummm...I dunno," well then you are not living consciously. When I ask my kids that question and they give me the 'I don't know' answer, I always say, "Well if you don't know why you behave that way, then who does?!?!?" In other words have a reason for doing what you do. If you want to spend 3.5 hours on social media a day, that's cool. But at least know why you're doing it (relaxation? laughing at the complainers? entertainment? being nosy?). So, does this mean I'm getting off Facebook? No. But I am definitely going to make sure that I take more time to read. If you are over the age of 25, try to think about what you did with your time before Facebook or Twitter sucked it away. Then get back acting like you are still in the 'Stone Age' - the days before social media. I know we all live in a society where we worship technology, but maybe we should get back to the basics (don't get me started on the people lined up for 12 blocks and camping out for weeks just to get the new iPhone 6!). After all, was life really that bad before Facebook? Honestly, I think in a lot of ways, it was better. Okay, next time I think I'm going to write about the iPhone 6 ... and oh boy do I have a lot to say about that ... Until then, I'm going to go read a good book and ignore my 'non-iPhone' phone for a while ... I hope you do too! Cheers! :) I have a confession. I have some 'control issues.' But when I say 'control issues,' that doesn't mean that I like to control other people. We might all want to change people, but I have found through experience that it is just frustrating and exhausting. And - it doesn't work. The type of control I'm talking about is controlling my life. In other words, planning my life, setting my destination, taking action, and expecting to get where I planned to go. I can't tell you how many times that I have tried to plan things only to come up against a "locked door." You know what I'm talking about. It's a situation where no matter what you try, it just doesn't work out for some reason. Here's an example. For about a year now, I have been planning on creating some video courses. There are two websites in particular that are dedicated to selling video classes that people make themselves. So, I got the right camera. I got the right microphone. I got the right lighting. I even found someone to do the editing for me. But for some bizarre reason, whenever I submitted my 'test videos,' they always get turned down for one reason or another. Sometimes it's the background noise in the audio. Sometimes it's the lighting. But regardless of the reason, they always tell me it's not ready. One thing always happened though: I wanted to pull my hair out in frustration!! Ohhhhh ... you have NO idea how crazy this made me! Suddenly I could relate to what it meant to "go postal." (don't worry, I have not really gone that crazy!! LOL) But after I a while, I took a break, stepped back and thought, "Hmmmm. I wonder if there is a reason that this isn't flowing right other than the fact that I'm a technological idiot?" I always teach people to not fight against life too much. And I always use the metaphor of pointing your "boat" downstream and going with the flow of the Universe. In other words ... don't paddle upstream. And as much as I hate to admit it, I wasn't taking my own advice. I was paddling upstream. And it wasn't getting me anywhere. Think about it. If you were in a canoe and you were trying to paddle upstream, would you get anywhere? No. Would you get tired, frustrated, and exhausted? Yes. So, really, what's the point? Just turn your boat around and aim it downstream. In other words ... DON'T PADDLE UPSTREAM. Just don't do it. So, what happened when I stopped paddling upstream with my video classes? A miracle. Okay, not exactly a miracle, but it was something so super cool that I am just amazed at what the Universe dropped into my lap out of the clear blue sky. Here it is ... I am officially the new Editor of ABetterMeMagazine.com. Okay, I know you're thinking, "Hey, that's great Carol, but what does that have to do with video classes?" Well, I'm glad you asked. I will tell you. Since I am the Editor, I can do anything I want with the site (for the most part). And one of those things will be video classes. And do you know what that means? Yep. No more being at the mercy of other sites approving or not approving my videos. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to produce garbage, but I now have the freedom and control that I always wanted to have over my videos. But it's not just about the videos. I'm mostly just super excited about this opportunity because I have so many BIG plans for the site! Here are just a few highlights: 1. I will be hosting a video web show called A Better Me TV. I will interview all sorts of people - both experts and regular people - who will help viewers become a better person and be happier. 2. I am in the process of developing an Expert Network. I am hand-chosing ROCK STAR experts to help everyone in their journey to become better. 3. A Marketplace - lots of books, audios, coaching and much, much more! 4. Free webinars! 5. Video Classes! I could go on and on, but these are just some of the exciting things that will be coming up in the near future. So, I invite you all to come join me on ABetterMeMagazine.com. We're going to have a great time helping each other learn and grow and become BETTER. Oh, and come 'like' us on Facebook too. Click here to do that. :) Meanwhile, I want you to look at your life and see where you are paddling upstream. What are you fighting for - or against - that is just not working out? Once you figure it out, I suggest that you turn your boat around, too. Every time I have done that in my life, it always works out a million times better. Have a great week, and BON VOYAGE! :) Let me take a poll here (a cyber-poll, of course ... and not a particularly accurate one since I am not counting your show of hands): How many of you have high self-confidence? Since this is the worst cyber-poll ever, I will just assume that not all of you raised your hand. Let’s face it, we live in a world that is not supportive of how we feel about ourselves. From comparing yourself to super models to thinking you need to make more money, most of us think we need to be better. Here’s the good news: you can raise your self-confidence and work on being a better person. Here are 7 steps you can take today to make that happen... 1. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Do you have any idea how many negative thoughts go through your mind every day about yourself? Probably not. Even if it’s just something simple like, “My hair looks terrible today,” you need to monitor and control your thoughts. So get a notebook and write down every negative thought that you say to yourself .. about yourself. After about a week, take a look. Then write down why each negative thought is NOT true. 2. Don’t compare yourself to others. But if you do, compare yourself to people who are not as lucky as you are. If you constantly compare how you look to Angelina Jolie or your bank account to your millionaire cousin, you will definitely feel bad about yourself. So here’s an idea ‒ don’t do that!! Instead, focus on how lucky you are. If you have a roof over your head and food on the table, you are among the luckiest people in the world. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t complain about what you lack. 3. Don’t dwell on the past. Maybe you did something in the past that you are ashamed of, like cheating on your significant other. Well, you can’t undo it. All you can do is forgive yourself, decide to do better, and move on. Replaying it and beating yourself up doesn’t work. Or maybe your past was “The Good Ol’ Days.” Don’t dwell there either. We all age, and we all have the opportunity to make today and tomorrow the best we can. Move onward and upwards. Not backwards. 4. Find a “self-esteem buddy” and support each other. Anyone who has tried to change their habits knows it’s difficult. And your self-confidence is also a “habit” – it’s a habitual way of thinking about yourself. That's it. That's really all it is. So it helps to have someone point out when we are being negative and help us steer in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t even recognize when we are being down on ourselves because we do it so much. Your buddy will help you, and you can help them. 5. Separate your feelings from facts. You might think you are overweight, but you might not be. For example, perhaps you are average weight, but you grew up with two older sisters who are naturally skinny (*ahem* yes, just like I did!). If you constantly compared yourself to them growing up, you might have labeled yourself as “fat.” However, those are only your feelings. The facts might be very different. You might only weigh 140 pounds...or more. That’s not necessarily overweight. Facts and feelings are different. 6. Use affirmations and visualization. Affirmations and visualizations are powerful tools to reprogram your thinking. The more you repeat words or visualize something in your mind, the more your subconscious believes it. So repeat positive statements to yourself such as, “I am a good person. I am healthy. I am strong. I am lovable.” And then visualize yourself being and feeling that way. 7. Take action! While I appreciate you all reading this blog, it will do you no good if you don’t actually take my advice! Don’t just share this on your Facebook page and forget about it. Do something! Take action! Nothing will change unless you do. It all starts with a decision. So just do it! On another note, please join me and New Zealand life coach, Dan Munro, in our FREE WEBINAR this Saturday, August 23rd at 6:00 p.m. EST. It is about HAVING A CONFIDENT MINDSET and what to do when LIFE GETS ROUGH. Click here for more details!!! Be a part of my next book on INTUITION!! Click here fore more details!! Let's face it. Becoming a better version of yourself takes effort! That's probably why a lot of people don't bother. I know I can relate to how hard it is. For example, I grew up in a family who hates to exercise. And I mean HATES it. On top of that, we didn't exactly pay attention to eating high quality, raw, nutritious food. Not that we ate junk - that's not what I mean. But we ate 'normal food,' which now (decades later) is known to be not the healthiest thing you should eat (think processed food). The reason I'm bringing this up is because I KNOW how difficult it is to change your habits. I try to eat healthy. I try to exercise (I'm sure my family just read that and had a heart attack!). Well, I go through my phases where I exercise moderately ... very moderately. But it's a struggle. I can always find some reason (*ahem* ... okay ... EXCUSE) to slack off on working out. We all have our 'bad habits.' Yours might be smoking, drinking, procrastinating, or eating too much pizza. We all have our vices. But change starts with awareness. You can't change what you don't recognize. So take a look at this list. Do you see yourself in any of these habits? Here we go ... 1. Complaining We live in a word of complainers. Really - we do! It's almost like the school system had classes in it. Okay, okay, obviously that's not true. But what is true is that we live in an incredibly negative world. I teach classes about the media, and a well-known motto in the news industry is "If it bleeds, it leads!" In other words, the more sensational (and negative) the better! Think about the "Jerry Springer Show." Why would that show have survived decades on the air unless people liked watching all that negativity? 2. Living "Unconsiously" There are a lot of people who don't live consciously. What I mean by that, is they kind of go through life with blinders on. They don't ever look in the metaphorical mirror at themselves and see their behavior for what it really is. For example, I saw this show once called "I Consume 30,000 Calories a Day" (or something to that effect). The people on the show literally did not know they were eating that much. It's hard for the average person to fathom that they weren't conscious of it, but they weren't. They were sleepwalking through their eating habits until someone had to wake them up and point it out. It may not be your eating habits, but there may be some other behavior(s) that you are not noticing or acknowledging. 3. Not being "Present" Texting. Phone calls. TV. Internet. Distractions. I could go on and on about what takes our attention away from being mentally and emotionally "present" with other people. I have heard parents say that their teenagers and their friends sit around in a room together but they're all texting other people on their phones. Really? Why bother even being in each other's physical presence. They might as well just go home and text each other from there. The best thing you can do for another person is to show them you care by being "present." And that doesn't include texting other people when you're with someone else. 4. Being Selfish I know that human beings were programmed to be selfish - it's a survival mechanism. If cavemen weren't the first to snatch up the last of the food, then they might starve to death. But this behavior has manifested into bad social behaviosr. No one likes a selfish person! I teach my students that it's best to have a balance between "Self" and "Other." You shouldn't completely ignore your own needs and wants, but you shouldn't ignore other people's either. Having a nice balance seems to work out well if you can find a way to achieve it. However - one note. BOTH people have to have a balance. One person giving and the other one taking (all the time), does not make for happy relationships! 5. Being Late I know a lot of people who are chronically late. And while some people may think they're doing it to have a power trip, I tend to think that a lot of people who are late just either (1) have a really bad sense of time, (2) aren't aware of how their lateness negatively impacts other people. I can't tell you how many times I have waited over an hour in restaurants for friends to show up thinking, "Well, this is a waste of my time. I could have been doing something productive for the last hour instead of waiting for this person!" Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list by far. It's just a start. Remember that no one is perfect. But the difference between someone who is trying to be better - and someone who is not - is making an effort to change. And as I said earlier, change starts with awareness! So I promise you that I will keep working on my eating and exercise habits ... if you promise me that you will work on whatever habits you need to change. Deal? :) **FREE WEBINAR COMING SOON!!** Due to the overwhelming positive response I've gotten to my article, "13 Things To Remember When Life Gets Rough," I have decided to dive deeper into the concepts in a webinar. Less than two weeks away. More details coming SOON! **Be a part of my next book!!!** I am working with my colleague, psychologist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, on our book series project about INTUITION! We would love for you to send us your story about your experience in listening – or not listening –to your intuitive voice **Click here to check out this week's MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY video about RELATIONSHIPS!** |
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