One of my best friends almost died a few days ago. He went in for a relatively routine heart procedure, but ended up having life-threatening complications and had to be revived. And he’s still in the ICU as I write this. I had another blog of a different tone written that I was going to send out this week, but I just had to write about this. So just be aware that this blog will not be as entertaining as my other ones.

We only met less than a year ago, but we both knew instinctively that we were “soul friends.” We just clicked instantly. I tell you that only to illustrate to you how important he is to me. He’s like the brother I never had – I consider him family. And apparently he is adored by many people, because it would take you days to read all the outpourings of love and prayers and support on his Facebook page. He undoubtedly makes a positive impact on everyone he meets.

In addition to him, I have a lot of Facebook friends who are going through really hard times. One’s daughter got killed in a car accident last year. Another one’s 2-year old daughter has a brain tumor. And another one has a rare disease called gastroparesis where she can’t eat any food (she is tube-fed) and has to fight to live every day. I could go on and on, because these are just a few of them.

When going through hard times, we need people to show us empathy. As my students would probably tell you, that is one of the common themes I preach in my classroom on a regular basis. Empathy: The ability to feel what another person feels…or at least to imagine it at a very deep level…to “walk in their shoes.” I always considered myself to be a very empathetic person. I can usually see other people’s points of view very easily – even when others can’t. However, my friend's near-death experience has left me wondering if I really, truly, feel empathy like I should.

Sure, I feel absolutely awful for all my Facebook friends I just mentioned. I wish I could swoop in and take away their pain. But it wasn’t until Thursday night when I was convinced that I had lost my friend so suddenly that I really, really, understood emotional pain. Yes, people I love have died before. My own dad passed away about 6 years ago. It was sad and heart-wrenching, but it was also his time. He had lived a full, good, long life (although not as long as we all would have wanted, of course). But my friend is only 43. He has a 16-year-old daughter. He has a wife. He is a vital part of a company whose mission is to help people. He still has a lot of light to spread around the world in this life. And he is a constant presence in my life. To lose someone so young – and so suddenly – just sent me into a tailspin.

The night I learned he was fighting for his life, I called my mom and she said, “Carol, there’s a spiritual reason this is happening. Not only for you, but for everyone. You just need to figure out what it is.”

I think it is to teach all of us how precious people are and how fragile life is. Yes, I know that sounds cliché. I know we all say we know that. I was convinced that I did. But do we really? Why does it take tragedy for human beings to appreciate all they have? Why is it so hard to truly feel empathy for others’ hard times until something similar happens to us? It’s something I want you to think about this week – I know I will.

I have been thanking God that he is alive. However, he still has a really long way to go before he has recovered. But considering that he was at death’s door a few days ago, well, this is a miracle. 

Please hug your friends, family, children, and other loved ones tightly and tell them that you love them. You just never know when it might be the last time you get the chance to do it. I thought I understood that, but apparently I didn’t understand it at a deep enough level. And please also say a prayer for my friend. He is truly one of the most kind, generous, amazing human beings I have ever met. The world still needs him. Thank you! 

***My NEW book Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide to Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On is finally available on Amazon right now and you’ll also be able to get it on my website soon too. Here’s the link just in case anyone is interested! http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Letting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382991470&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource

***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!***

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You might be a bit confused by the title of this blog. No, I’m not quoting myself. I’m quoting my 10-year-old son. He came home from school about a week ago and spoke those exact words to me. But before I explain more, let me back up a few days and tell you what happened.

A couple of days before that, when he walked off the bus and through the front door, he immediately reached in his pocket and pulled out a bunch of crumpled pieces of paper and handed them to me and said, “I got notes…” And my heart stopped for a minute thinking that they’re notes from his teachers, or principal or something else bad had happened. I’m not even sure why I thought this because he is my “easy” kid. He’s a bit of a “Type-A Personality” and is very competitive, so he always does the “right thing.”

But I admit that I still had a big sigh of relief when I realized they were just “love notes” from three different girls. However, I have to admit to thinking, “Oh my! How times have changed since I was a kid! I was super afraid to call a boy and ask him to a turn-a-bout dance in high school!” Apparently, these days, girls are pretty aggressive. That makes me feel old.

But I digress…

So I knew there were several girls who liked him. And after a while, he decided he liked Valeria (not her real name) the best. However, an amusing side-note is that she always runs away from him when he tries to talk to her. He even chases after her saying, “Hey!!! Talk to me!!!” Maybe I should retract my earlier statement about girls being so aggressive…

Anyway, so a few days after that, he came home and said that one of his friends told Valeria that he liked her. At least that’s what he thought he was doing. But his friend came back and said, “She said yes!” And my son was confused, because he didn’t ask the friend to ask Valeria to be his girlfriend. Hence, the “I didn’t know it, but apparently I have a girlfriend now…” title of this blog.

I tell you this story to lead me to the lesson of this blog (as usual). I hope you had some good chuckles reading this, because to us adults, this is all super cute. However, it still represents a phenomenon that even adults are guilty of …

Drifting.

Going where the wind blows you.

Letting life take you where it wants to instead of you being the captain of your own ship.

I know so many people who do this. Are you one of them? Are you in the driver’s seat and the captain of your own vessel, or do you just drift aimlessly and can’t figure out how you got where you are or how to change directions?

My son didn’t actively choose to have a girlfriend. He simply drifted into it. I know that’s quite comical (trust me, I’ve had many, many laughs over it!). I mean, who does that, right?! But nonetheless, it’s true.

So don’t be like my son … have a plan. Actively choose what happens to you. And then have the discipline to stay the course.

Okay, that’s it for this week. I wonder what I’m going to do now … I have no plans … I hope someone will tell me what to do soon … (you know I always have to end with a little joke!) :)

Have a great week! :)

***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!***

***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391***

My NEW book Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide to Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On will be out SOON!! 

When I was in high school, I had my whole life planned out. I was going to be an advertising executive, get married in my late 20s, have kids in my early 30s, and then live happily ever after. Yeah, yeah, I know– that’s pretty much everyone’s plan – well, at least the “happily ever after” part <I know you were thinking that >.

As I got older, I realized that things don’t always turn out the way you planned -- sometimes they turn out even better. And I also learned that you can figure out what you want by experiencing what you don’t want.

The one part of the plan that I did stick to was that I got my Bachelor’s degree in Advertising. Then I proceeded to get my first “professional job” right after graduation…making a whole whopping … wait for it … wait for it … $12,000/YEAR!! Even back then, I was thinking “I went to college for THIS?? I could bag groceries for a living and make that amount of money!”

Not exactly what I had planned. So … <confession time> … I kind of got “fired” from that job. Okay, not exactly “fired,” just “let go.” The boss said, “You were the last person hired, and we need to let someone go.” I didn’t know whether to be insulted or to jump up and kiss him because of my exhilaration at being free from that horrible job!

But if I hadn’t been fired, I wouldn’t have realized that I hate corporate jobs. And I wouldn’t have gone to graduate school when I did, which led to my current career (professor and wanna-be Oprah clone). I thought I wanted to work in advertising….as it turned out …

I didn’t want that.

And then there was a time when I thought I wanted to do consulting and training for organizations on the side. My thought process: “Well, it’s pretty much the same thing I do now … just as a one-time shot with different people every time. And I can make more money.” But then I realized I didn’t like it for a variety of reasons. So, after doing it a while, I realized …

I didn’t want that.

On the romantic side, I had relationships with men who I swore were “the one.” Until I realized…

I didn’t want “that” relationship.

I could go on and on with other examples from my life where I realized what I did want from having what I thought I wanted…but came to realize that I didn’t. But I won’t bore you with details.

But I will bore you with the lesson of this blog: If you’re currently experiencing something that you don’t want … CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are one step closer to figuring out what you DO want!! 

It’s never a failure to be experiencing something you don’t want. It’s only a learning experience.

So take those “don’t wants” of yours and turn them into “wants!” Having those “don’t wants” are really blessings in disguise!

There is one thing that I do know for sure I would want. You’re asking, “What, Carol?”

What else?!  The obvious …

To win the lottery, of course! <me and everyone else in the world! ha!> :)

***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!***

***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391***

My NEW book Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide to Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On will be out SOON!! 

In the next few months, I will have my own “web talk show” on the new website, Vidergize.com (to be launched soon). I’m calling it the same as this blog – Success From the Inside – Out! For those of you who know me well, I have been dreaming of something like this for years! I always said I wanted to take Oprah’s place once she retires. But until a major network discovers me (hey, don’t laugh…anything can happen right! RIGHT?!!?), I am going to give it a go on Vidergize. And I am thrilled about it!!

But let me just give you a little bit of information about me: I am a self-proclaimed technological idiot. Actually, it may be more accurate to say that I have a deep, primal fear of technology. If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong if I am in the vicinity! So while I couldn’t be more excited about my upcoming venture, I am practically having a nervous breakdown trying to figure out the technical part of it. 

Bought a video camera. Check. Bought some lights. Check. Re-arranged the office in my house to make it look like Oprah’s set (well, I tried). Check. Put plants around the couch to make it look pretty. Check. Filmed my first 41 minute show. Check.

That’s where all the “check-ing” ends. 

So I came to realize that for some bizarre reason, video cameras think it’s a good idea to break down long videos into 20 minute segments. It’s almost as if there is an evil little person inside the camera who is out to get me. I mean, really? WHY?!?! 

I’m an optimist. No biggie. I’ll just figure out a way to merge them. 

Wait. Not so fast, Carol (say the evil technology spirits). 

I won’t bore you with the details. But I tried everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. I Googled it. I tried different computers. Downloaded software. You name it. I tried it.

So then I asked my technologically savvy 12-year old son to help me. It couldn’t be that difficult for him, right? He loves technology and understands it. I don’t.

He said he’d help. Whew! Big sigh of relief from me. So he sat down at the computer to figure it out while I attended to a chore. Several minutes later, I noticed he was trying to tell my other son some jokes, and then he was showing me his newest card trick.

So I was thinking, “Ummm….HELLO????? I thought you said you were going to help me!!!! What happened???” He decided to do something else instead. That’s what happened.

Yes, I know. He’s only 12. And he may even have some attention problems. But it got me thinking  …

And here is the lesson of this blog in the form of questions for all of you: Are you a person of your word? Can people count on you? If you say you’re going to do something, do you actually do it? You might even think you do, but do you really?

Here are my thoughts, and it’s really pretty simple: If you borrow money from a friend – pay it back. If you say you’re going to help a friend move – help them. If you say you’ll be somewhere at 1:00 - be there at 1:00. If you tell your child you will take them to Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday – take them. If you say you’re going to help your mom with her video editing – help her (*cough*cough* I’m going to make my son read this blog). You get my point.

Be a person of your word.

Clearly, I still have some work to do with my son. So wish me luck!

Alright, that’s it for this week. I’ll be back next Monday. (Unless I’m not, and I decide to do something else  … haha! Get it?)

***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!***

***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391***

My NEW book Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide to Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On will be out SOON!!