Let me take a poll here (a cyber-poll, of course ... and not a particularly accurate one since I am not counting your show of hands):
How many of you have high self-confidence?
Since this is the worst cyber-poll ever, I will just assume that not all of you raised your hand. Let’s face it, we live in a world that is not supportive of how we feel about ourselves. From comparing yourself to super models to thinking you need to make more money, most of us think we need to be better. Here’s the good news: you can raise your self-confidence and work on being a better person.
Here are 7 steps you can take today to make that happen...
1. Pay attention to how you talk to yourself.
Do you have any idea how many negative thoughts go through your mind every day about yourself? Probably not. Even if it’s just something simple like, “My hair looks terrible today,” you need to monitor and control your thoughts. So get a notebook and write down every negative thought that you say to yourself .. about yourself. After about a week, take a look. Then write down why each negative thought is NOT true.
2. Don’t compare yourself to others. But if you do, compare yourself to people who are not as lucky as you are.
If you constantly compare how you look to Angelina Jolie or your bank account to your millionaire cousin, you will definitely feel bad about yourself. So here’s an idea ‒ don’t do that!! Instead, focus on how lucky you are. If you have a roof over your head and food on the table, you are among the luckiest people in the world. Be grateful for what you have. Don’t complain about what you lack.
3. Don’t dwell on the past.
Maybe you did something in the past that you are ashamed of, like cheating on your significant other. Well, you can’t undo it. All you can do is forgive yourself, decide to do better, and move on. Replaying it and beating yourself up doesn’t work. Or maybe your past was “The Good Ol’ Days.” Don’t dwell there either. We all age, and we all have the opportunity to make today and tomorrow the best we can. Move onward and upwards. Not backwards.
4. Find a “self-esteem buddy” and support each other.
Anyone who has tried to change their habits knows it’s difficult. And your self-confidence is also a “habit” – it’s a habitual way of thinking about yourself. That's it. That's really all it is. So it helps to have someone point out when we are being negative and help us steer in the right direction. Sometimes we don’t even recognize when we are being down on ourselves because we do it so much. Your buddy will help you, and you can help them.
5. Separate your feelings from facts.
You might think you are overweight, but you might not be. For example, perhaps you are average weight, but you grew up with two older sisters who are naturally skinny (*ahem* yes, just like I did!). If you constantly compared yourself to them growing up, you might have labeled yourself as “fat.” However, those are only your feelings. The facts might be very different. You might only weigh 140 pounds...or more. That’s not necessarily overweight. Facts and feelings are different.
6. Use affirmations and visualization.
Affirmations and visualizations are powerful tools to reprogram your thinking. The more you repeat words or visualize something in your mind, the more your subconscious believes it. So repeat positive statements to yourself such as, “I am a good person. I am healthy. I am strong. I am lovable.” And then visualize yourself being and feeling that way.
7. Take action!
While I appreciate you all reading this blog, it will do you no good if you don’t actually take my advice! Don’t just share this on your Facebook page and forget about it. Do something! Take action! Nothing will change unless you do. It all starts with a decision. So just do it!
On another note, please join me and New Zealand life coach, Dan Munro, in our FREE WEBINAR this Saturday, August 23rd at 6:00 p.m. EST. It is about HAVING A CONFIDENT MINDSET and what to do when LIFE GETS ROUGH. Click here for more details!!!
Be a part of my next book on INTUITION!! Click here fore more details!!
Let's face it. Becoming a better version of yourself takes effort! That's probably why a lot of people don't bother. I know I can relate to how hard it is. For example, I grew up in a family who hates to exercise. And I mean HATES it. On top of that, we didn't exactly pay attention to eating high quality, raw, nutritious food. Not that we ate junk - that's not what I mean. But we ate 'normal food,' which now (decades later) is known to be not the healthiest thing you should eat (think processed food).
The reason I'm bringing this up is because I KNOW how difficult it is to change your habits. I try to eat healthy. I try to exercise (I'm sure my family just read that and had a heart attack!). Well, I go through my phases where I exercise moderately ... very moderately. But it's a struggle. I can always find some reason (*ahem* ... okay ... EXCUSE) to slack off on working out.
We all have our 'bad habits.' Yours might be smoking, drinking, procrastinating, or eating too much pizza. We all have our vices. But change starts with awareness. You can't change what you don't recognize. So take a look at this list. Do you see yourself in any of these habits?
Here we go ...
We live in a word of complainers. Really - we do! It's almost like the school system had classes in it. Okay, okay, obviously that's not true. But what is true is that we live in an incredibly negative world. I teach classes about the media, and a well-known motto in the news industry is "If it bleeds, it leads!" In other words, the more sensational (and negative) the better! Think about the "Jerry Springer Show." Why would that show have survived decades on the air unless people liked watching all that negativity?
2. Living "Unconsiously"
There are a lot of people who don't live consciously. What I mean by that, is they kind of go through life with blinders on. They don't ever look in the metaphorical mirror at themselves and see their behavior for what it really is. For example, I saw this show once called "I Consume 30,000 Calories a Day" (or something to that effect). The people on the show literally did not know they were eating that much. It's hard for the average person to fathom that they weren't conscious of it, but they weren't. They were sleepwalking through their eating habits until someone had to wake them up and point it out. It may not be your eating habits, but there may be some other behavior(s) that you are not noticing or acknowledging.
3. Not being "Present"
Texting. Phone calls. TV. Internet. Distractions. I could go on and on about what takes our attention away from being mentally and emotionally "present" with other people. I have heard parents say that their teenagers and their friends sit around in a room together but they're all texting other people on their phones. Really? Why bother even being in each other's physical presence. They might as well just go home and text each other from there. The best thing you can do for another person is to show them you care by being "present." And that doesn't include texting other people when you're with someone else.
4. Being Selfish
I know that human beings were programmed to be selfish - it's a survival mechanism. If cavemen weren't the first to snatch up the last of the food, then they might starve to death. But this behavior has manifested into bad social behaviosr. No one likes a selfish person! I teach my students that it's best to have a balance between "Self" and "Other." You shouldn't completely ignore your own needs and wants, but you shouldn't ignore other people's either. Having a nice balance seems to work out well if you can find a way to achieve it. However - one note. BOTH people have to have a balance. One person giving and the other one taking (all the time), does not make for happy relationships!
5. Being Late
I know a lot of people who are chronically late. And while some people may think they're doing it to have a power trip, I tend to think that a lot of people who are late just either (1) have a really bad sense of time, (2) aren't aware of how their lateness negatively impacts other people. I can't tell you how many times I have waited over an hour in restaurants for friends to show up thinking, "Well, this is a waste of my time. I could have been doing something productive for the last hour instead of waiting for this person!"
Obviously, this is not an exhaustive list by far. It's just a start.
Remember that no one is perfect. But the difference between someone who is trying to be better - and someone who is not - is making an effort to change. And as I said earlier, change starts with awareness! So I promise you that I will keep working on my eating and exercise habits ... if you promise me that you will work on whatever habits you need to change. Deal? :)
**FREE WEBINAR COMING SOON!!**
Due to the overwhelming positive response I've gotten to my article, "13 Things To Remember When Life Gets Rough," I have decided to dive deeper into the concepts in a webinar. Less than two weeks away. More details coming SOON!
**Be a part of my next book!!!**
I am working with my colleague, psychologist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, on our book series project about INTUITION! We would love for you to send us your story about your experience in listening – or not listening –to your intuitive voice
**Click here to check out this week's MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY video about RELATIONSHIPS!**
I grew up in a family in which my parents were true to their word. If they said they would do something, they would. And they were both "what you see is what you get" kind of people. In other words, they would be the same person 30 years after you met them as they were on the first moment you shook their hand. To me, this was normal. Because of this childhood experience, I became a person who trusts easily - too easily.
Most people that I know do NOT trust easily. And you would think being able to trust others like I was able to do would be a good thing. In theory, yes. In reality, NO.
As a result of trusting too much, I have been burned by people. For example, I lent money to a good friend who promised me to pay me back ASAP. I trusted her. She said she would pay me back, so why wouldn't she? Right? (at least that's what I thought in my naive little head). So ... have I gotten paid back yet (almost 5 years later)?
I have believed people's sunny and outgoing personality to be their true selves only to realize later (and sometimes it's years later) that it is not who the really are. Some of the people I've met who are the warmest, friendliest, most awesome people in the beginning have, unfortunately, turned out to be liars, incredibly selfish, or possess some other negative trait.
But I'm not bitter. (really, I'm not)
I take personal responsibility for my naivety.
But I finally learned.
Because of these situations in my life, I have come up with a theory: Most people have two "selves." There is the OUTER self and the INNER self. Some people's outer and inner selves match up pretty well. I call this authenticity. My family is like this, and I hope I am too (but you'll have to ask my friends. ha!). But for a lot of people, their outer self is a much different than their inner self.
I call this "wearing a mask."
Like I said, I used to believe people's masks. It didn't occur to me not to.
So I've learned to read peoples actions, not their words. Sometimes you have to look very, very closely at all the things that are unsaid and all the clues (red flags) that might be staring you in the face (yet invisible) if you don't pay attention.
You may not be as trusting as I have been (congratulations!). But even if you're not, sometimes it's difficult to see the true nature of someone at first. Because all the information we have to go on in the beginning is their "mask."
But here are 4 reasons you should look beyond the mask and try to see people's INNER selves:
1. The inner self is the real person.
For some reason, our culture almost supports being fake. Just take Facebook as an example. I know someone who calls it "FAKEbook" because so many people have the "perfect life" on Facebook, whereas in reality, their life is a disaster. But who wants to put that "out there?" (okay, I know plenty of people who like to air their dirty laundry, but you know what I'm talking about).
2. Falling for their mask can have negative consequences in your life.
Case and point: my story about lending money. Did it ruin my life? No. Thank God. But would it be really awesome to have my money back? Ummm, YES!!! Maybe you've been cheated on. Or just been taken advantage of in some other way. Whatever your story is, falling for the mask doesn't usually make us happier.
3. Spending time with inauthentic people is exhausting and frustrating.
At this point in my life, I only like to spend my time with people who are real. They are usually the more uplifting and positive ones. I don't mean to imply that I shy away from people with problems. Quite the contrary, or I wouldn't be doing what I'm doing! I do like to help people solve their problems. However, you can't really help people with their problems when they are not straight up with you.
4. At least when you know their inner self, you won't be fooled anymore.
The guesswork stops. The frustration stops. You almost feel free because you don't have to deal with their inauthenticity anymore. Or at least if you do, you at least know what you're dealing with now. If you're lucky enough to have people in your life who are real with you, spend more time with them if you can. I know that's not always possible if the person wearing the mask is your spouse, sibling, boss, or parent. But if it's someone else you can spend less time with, you might want to think about doing that.
I hope I have given you something to think about this week. It might help to take a look at yourself sometime too and see if there are areas where you are wearing a mask. We all do it from time to time (if you hate your boss and don't wear the "I think you're great" mask, you might get fired!). But to do it on a daily basis might not be something you want to continue.
On another note ... 3 Things I want to tell you about:
#1 FREE WEBINAR COMING SOON!!
Due to the overwhelming positive response I've gotten to my article, "13 Things To Remember When Life Gets Rough," I have decided to dive deeper into the concepts in a webinar. Details coming SOON!
#2 New 'Motivational Monday' video series is here!
On Mondays - and in a little over a minute - I teach you something positive to think about to start your week of great! Here is the first one. It's about FEAR-BASED EMOTIONS ...
#3 Be a part of my next book!!!
I am working with my colleague, psychologist Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, on our book series project about INTUITION! We would love for you to send us your story about your experience in listening – or not listening –to your intuitive voice or feeling about any of the following issues:
Dating, Mating, and Relating
Finding Your Happiness
Hiring, Employees, or Choosing Business Partners
If you're interested, just send me a message with your story! Thank you, and I look forward to connecting with you! :)
Dr. Carol Morgan &
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