I bet the first part of the title got your attention, didn’t it?! If for no other reason, you probably thought it was odd that I was writing about Justin Bieber. If you know who he is, and you are a guy, or over the age of 18, you may have already stopped reading (and that means I need to re-work my attention-getting strategies in this blog). If you don’t know who he is, then you either don’t keep up with pop music, you don’t know a young girl, or you live under a rock. But don’t worry. This blog really isn’t about Justin Bieber. It’s about what he represents. For those of you who don’t know this young man (and are still reading), he is a pop singer who basically got discovered on Youtube and pretty much became an overnight sensation. After only a few short years, he is now a teen idol and an international phenomenon. There are other such success stories, and we hear about them in the media…a lot. And this really stinks for average people. It sets the expectation that if your dream hasn’t come true in 6 months, then you are a loser and you might as well give up. Well, here’s my advice … Don’t give up!! Allow yourself to be a beginner. Most dreams don’t come true overnight. I’ll use myself as an example. I know I have written about this before, but I have always had a deep desire to be a positive influence on the world, and to have my messages reach a large audience. Sure, I would love to be the next Oprah, but is it realistic? Maybe. Okay, probably not. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t still have my message reach a large audience in a different way. For years, I had always hoped to be an expert on a TV show like the Today Show. Well, about ten years after that dream was born, it came true in a smaller way. I have since become a regular expert on the TV show Living Dayton (not exactly like Matt Lauer interviewing me in New York, but hey, it’s a start). And now, I am writing articles for websites such as Livestrong.com, GlobalPost.com, and Synonym.com. In addition, I’m also going to be a video expert on ehow.com. I will be doing series of short, 2-4 minute videos that showcase my communication and relationship knowledge to help people. Ehow.com is even paying a professional film maker/producer to come do the shoot for me (yay! No iPhone videos for me anymore! LOL) The most exciting part is my messages have the potential to reach like 100 million people on that website (or something like that). Hey, I may not be Oprah, but I am still so excited!! But trust me, none of this happened overnight. It was a process. But guess what? My dreams are slowly coming true. And so can yours. I don’t care if you’re 10, 25, 50, 85 or 100 years old. You can still make progress towards your dreams. It might not be in the form your originally thought or hoped it would be, but you can still do it! As long as you are still breathing, you still have the time to do something. So, I ask you…what is your dream? Maybe you don’t even remember. I challenge you to take some time to rediscover it, or even discover a new one. We all make our mark on the world in some way. Make sure you leave a good one. And don’t get discouraged. I hope I have inspired you to DREAM BIG this week! Now, go out and conquer the world! :) ****************************************************************************** My new book, Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide for Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On is now available on Amazon and also here on my homepage or the ‘Books’ page. I also have E-Courses now available as well. (Here’s the link for the book just in case anyone is interested!) http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Leting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382560098&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource ***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!*** ***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391***
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Yes, I know how ironic this is. A motivational blog telling you that you can’t motivate other people. Actually, it’s kind of funny, isn’t it? But this is not an invitation to stop reading my blogs. In fact, I hope you’re now even more curious because I have such an ironic sense of humor. Anyway, I have a confession. I have a “savior complex.” In other words, I want to save people from themselves. I know that sounds like I have some sort of God-complex, but I don’t think that’s true. I just like helping people. And teaching people. I am not only a teacher not only by profession, but also just at the core of my being. A few weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend who asked me, “Do you think it’s possible to motivate other people?” And I responded with, “If you would have asked me 3 years ago, I would have said yes. But now…no way.” I had to figure this out the hard way. There was a time in my life (obviously, not very long ago!) when I thought I could motivate other people for positive self-change. I saw my “motivational behavior” as almost altruistic. I’m helping other people, so how could that not be a good thing, right? Well, it depends on how you look at it. Motivate. Inspire. Improve. Really, the essence of all of these words implies “change.” So while I chose to use the word “motivate,” what I really meant is “change them.” And you can’t do that. Only they can change themselves. The people I was most guilty of trying to “motivate” was my boyfriends. Come on ladies, I know most of you are laughing to yourself right now because you have probably done the same thing! Right!?! In college, one of them was flunking out, and I thought I could make him “see the light” and put more effort into going to class and studying for exams. Well, that didn’t work. And I actually thought I learned my lesson back then. Nope. Even with my children, I sometimes get frustrated if I can’t motivate them to do something. One of my kids is very self-motivated and competitive when it comes to … well … pretty much everything. The other is very laid back and doesn’t have that natural competitive edge. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing a “metaphorical cheerleading dance” to motivate him to find his competitive edge. But I know deep down that I’m wasting my time. He is who he is. That’s not to say that I don’t still expect excellence from him, I just need to accept that he’s going to find his excellence in a different way. I have come to the conclusion that there is a difference between motivating and inspiring people. I’ve watched the TV show The Biggest Loser a couple of times before, and I’m always very inspired by those people and their stories. But does it motivate me to go out and start a new diet and an exercise program? Unfortunately, no. So I don’t want to kill your efforts in trying to inspire people. Inspiring people is great! It implies that you have moved them mentally or emotionally in some way. But motivating people implies action. Go had and inspire all you want. Leave the action to other people! I hope I’ve inspired you to have a great week! Now go out and motivate yourself to do it! :) *************************************************************************************** My new book, Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide for Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On is now available on Amazon and also here on my homepage or the ‘Books’ page. I also have E-Courses now available as well. (Here’s the link for the book just in case anyone is interested!) http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Leting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382560098&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource ***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!*** ***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391*** Okay, let me see a raise of hands (virtually, of course). How many of you are guilty of being physically present, but not mentally or emotionally present with someone? I bet if I could see you all, I would see a lot of hands. I have to admit, I raised mine, too. I’m not proud of it. You see, as a communication professor, I preach to my students (and my kids) about “being present.” I tell them that most of communication is simply to show the other person that you care, and that they matter to you. How do you do that? By being present. So that’s why I feel guilty on the occasions when I do it myself. Here’s a common scenario. My 10-year-old son loves sports. He loves to play them, and much to my chagrin, he has even started to watch them on TV (to me, it’s a ‘snoozefest’). And so sometimes, when he comes home from school, he will want to tell me every little teensy, tiny detail of the basketball game he and his friends played at recess. He scored 5 more baskets than anyone else. He stole the ball from ol’ ‘what’s-his-name’. And yet another ‘what’s-his-name’ couldn’t jump as high as the other ‘what’s his name.’ *Yawn* And my 12 year-old-son is a trivia addict. I can’t tell you how many times a day I hear, “Mom, did you know that if the sun exploded, life on earth would continue to live for exactly 21.99348 hours? Then we would all melt and implode.” (I just made that up, but that’s the kind of stuff he reads about and thinks everyone else wants to know just as much as he does). Don't worry, I already told him not to be “Crazy Trivia Guy” when he’s on a first date, or that could be the only one he has. Ha! And do you know what I hear when they talk about stuff like that? “Whah Whah Whah Whah Whah” (I hope all of you can hear in your head how the adults speak in the ‘Charlie Brown’ cartoons). Yep, that’s how it feels. Yes, I’m looking right at them. Yes, I even give some verbal feedback like “Wow, really? So interesting. Great job, honey! I’m really proud of you!” But do I actually hear what they are saying? Ummm…no. Not usually. I know I’m making myself sound like a bad mother. But I usually do love talking to my kids. It just depends on the topic. I love talking about their friends, and the girls they like, or who like them. I like talking to them about life lessons, and goals, and how to be a better person. But random sports details? Or mind-numbing random trivia? Well, that is MUCH more of a challenge for me to stay focused. So how often do YOU catch yourself not being ‘present’? You could be guilty of texting other people or picking up the phone when you are hanging out with a friend. And some of you may constantly check your phone in the presence of others for no apparent reason other than out of habit. Or you could be watching TV and not willing to turn your attention to your spouse when she/he tells you about their day. We’re all guilty of it. It’s just a matter of catching yourself and working on being better. So next time you hear the Charlie Brown adults’ voices in your head (Whah Whah Whah Whah Whah) when you are with someone, make yourself pay attention. Or put away that phone. We all deserve to have someone’s full attention. You want other people to be present with you, right? So live by the Golden Rule and return the respect. Until next time … may your week be filled with lots of presence!!! (presence, not presents!) :) ************************************************************************************* My new book, Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide for Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On is now available on Amazon and also here on my homepage or the ‘Books’ page. I also have E-Courses now available as well. (Here’s the link for the book just in case anyone is interested!) http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Leting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382560098&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource ***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!*** ***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391*** Those are the words I asked my sister the other day. Her response? “Umm, no. Not really.” After having a good laugh in my head and then giving her a hard time about it for a while, I simply explained it to her. She’s not the most technologically savvy person in the world, so I guess I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t know. But then again, I’m not technologically savvy either, so it is rather surprising that I DO know. And so now you’re probably wondering why we were even talking about message boards. Well, let me tell you why … For a long time, one of my dreams has been to create a self-improvement “online learning community.” I know first-hand that people need support in order to grow as a person. When my sister and I first started reading about and practicing the Law of Attraction, we were “LOA buddies” and had regular phone sessions. We talked about our goals and helped each other stay positive and focused. Even though we are both positive people, it was amazing how many negative things we would catch each other saying – and we didn’t even know it! So I called her the other day and said that I was going to add a message board to my website so that people could interact with one another to help each other grow. I could tell she was clueless by the silence on the other end of the phone (anyone who knows my sister knows that she is NEVER silent…my family thought I was mute until she moved away to college and I actually had the opportunity to speak). Anyway, on the boards, we’ll talk about improving our relationships, along with generally improving our lives. While my sister was supportive of the idea, she was still a bit confused about message boards. I had assumed she would understand. But I was wrong. So here’s the lesson … Don’t assume anything. Even though I am a self-proclaimed technological idiot, I am still relatively plugged-in to social media. Okay, just Facebook, really. I do have a Twitter account, but I barely use it. I just can’t quite figure out why anyone wants to know what I’m doing at every moment. While I think my life is interesting, I’m pretty sure no one else cares what I’m eating for dinner every night. And I have a LinkedIn account too, but I forget about it. And Pinterest? Well, I just don’t get that one. Plus, I have to stop somewhere or else I’d spend ALL my time on social media. But I digress … Even though I know my sister is highly uninterested in social media, I still assumed that she at least knew what a message board was. Whooops. Bad assumption! So just because something is “normal” to you, remember that it is NOT normal to everyone else! Even something as mainstream as Facebook is not normal to a lot of people. I do have to say, however, that my sister is on Facebook, and she probably doesn’t even know it. She has one friend (me). It makes me feel special. Ha. “Assuming” goes way beyond social media. But I don’t have much more space to write here so that will have to wait for another blog - because it is a great topic that I need to devote more time to in the future. But for now, I hope you will join my online self-improvement community! I’m calling it my “Inner Circle Forum.” You can find it by going here: http://www.drcarolmorgan.com/inner-circle-forum.html#/ and signing up! (or simply click on the "Inner Circle Forum" page above). And if you know anyone else who wants social support, please spread the word. I appreciate my sister’s willingness to get out of her comfort zone and learn about message boards just to support me. So I predict that you will see her on there - once I teach her how to do it, of course! That reminds me … I need to give her a call for her first tutorial … Have a great week everyone, and I hope to see you all in my Inner Circle! ********************************************************************************************************* *** Remember that relationship book I kept saying was “coming soon,” well…it’s here! It’s available on Amazon right now and also here on my homepage or the Books page. I also have E-Courses now available as well. (Here’s the link for the book just in case anyone is interested!) http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Leting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382560098&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource ***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!*** ***Friend me on Facebok! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391*** |
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