A woman I know (we’ll call her Jane) came to me one day because she was devastated to find porn magazines in her husband’s bathroom. Their sex life was not good, and apparently he spent a lot of time in the bathroom. As you can imagine, the woman felt very rejected. Her line of thought was, “He doesn’t want to sleep with me - he’d rather look at photos of random naked women in the bathroom?” And you might be thinking that she might be unattractive, or perhaps had gained a lot of weight since they got married. Neither was true. Jane is quite an attractive lady.

And you also might be wondering how it would be possible for her to not take that personally? Well, it is possible. Not easy, but possible. I tried to get her to see how maybe he’s just not a sexual person. Or maybe the only way he could get turned on was by looking at the magazines. Neither of those were comforting to her because it still didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to have sex with her. But then I suggested: it’s most likely that is just the way he is and he probably acted like this with all his past girlfriends too. I reminded her that she couldn’t change him. Sure, she could have a conversation with him about it, but it may not change his behavior. All she could do is stop taking it personally. It’s not about her. It’s about him. And his unresolved issues.

So she needed to decide whether to make peace with who he is (without taking it personally) and continue in the marriage, or to move on. Jane eventually moved on. But, she did eventually get to the point where she realized that her husband’s behavior was not a personal rejection. In fact, many male friends of hers echoed my thoughts about how it’s not about her. The process of coming to terms with this did not happen overnight. However, it was a huge “AH HA!” moment for her. Jane realized that she could apply this philosophy (don’t take ANYTHING personally) to almost everyone else in her life. Once she did, her life became so much easier. It is so freeing when you realize that everyone has their issues. We all act the way we do, and would do it regardless of who we’re with. It’s human nature.

So listen to me very carefully: DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY!!

That’s a simple question. Right? Not really. We like to think that “we are who we are.” But who is that? No, really. Who IS that? Which you? Are you the REAL you when you are at home? At work? With your friends? With your kids? On Facebook?

We all have multiple aspects to our personalities. We don’t act the same way all the time. We may be outgoing with our friends, but serious at work. Or maybe you’re really an affectionate person, but you are in a bad phase of your marriage and so you become cold to your spouse. Which one is the REAL you?

Do you know who you REALLY are? In my classes, I frequently talk about the concept of “identity” as it relates to Facebook. It’s amazing how many of my students know people who create a completely different persona of themselves on Facebook. For example, one case involved a mom who really didn’t pay much attention to her kids. She pawned them off on her parents and went partying with her friends a lot. But you would never know that from reading her Facebook posts because in THAT “world,” she is the best mom on the planet. Or at least that’s how she portrays herself. I also know of people who are darn near broke, but they are talking about the awesome vacations they take. Other people are just downright self-loathers but post the most inspirational and motivational messages in their posts. But they don’t follow their own advice.

I think you get my point.

So the question is, does the world know the REAL you? Do YOU know the REAL you? Who IS the REAL you? And do you LIKE the real you?

Food for thought. :)

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I have a good friend whose husband left her for another woman. She was devastated because she never saw it coming. She sulked for a while. Then what did she do? She picked herself up, dusted herself off, and moved forward. And she did it with a smile. Do you know why? It’s because she saw it as an opportunity to discover who she is rather than get stuck in her misery. She read self-help books. She went sky-diving. She took trips with her friends. She spent alone time to really figure out what she wants in her next relationship. And she’s never been happier because instead of viewing her husband’s exit as a PROBLEM, she saw it as an OPPORTUNITY to become a better person and to create a more fulfilling life for herself.

I know a lot of other people in her situation as well. But most of them didn’t do what she did. They whine, complain, blame God, and just dwell on “Why oh why did this happen to ME?”  And many of them are STILL dwelling upon it….years and years later. They just couldn’t see that it was really an OPPORTUNITY in disguise.

It’s all about viewpoint. I don’t care if you lost your job, have a health scare, or something else seemingly negative happened to you, there is always an opportunity for good to come out of it.

Think about your life. What are YOU viewing as a problem? How can YOU get out of that way of thinking? As the sayings go, “God never closes a door where he doesn’t open a window,” and “There’s always a silver lining somewhere.” It’s all really true. But the catch is that you have to BELIEVE it’s true. Change your thinking, change your life. Enough said :)

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What you desire, you also fear. You might be thinking, “HUH????? That doesn’t make any sense!” Yep. That’s what I said. Let’s think about this for a second. One of the people that I coach, Jessica (not her real name), really desires to have an amazing romantic relationship. She’s been divorced, dated many men in the years that she’s been single, but yet still hasn’t found “the one.”

So you might be saying to yourself, “She’s too picky.” Or “All the good ones are taken.” Or “Maybe she has a difficult personality.” And none of this is true. I’ve known her a long time, and in my opinion, any man would be lucky to have her. But here’s the catch: even though she wants that relationship more than anything, she still fears it. It took me a long time to get her to admit to this. I would tell her, “You say you want it, but you are also scared of getting it.” She would always disagree with me.

Another important component here is that she’s pretty happy with her life at the moment. So think about it: If she got her perfect man, what would change? Or what could “go wrong?” Well, maybe she would have to adjust her lifestyle and limit doing some of the things she enjoys like going out with her friends. Or what if he dropped dead? Then maybe she would be lonely and grieving forever! Those are some of the things I finally got her to admit. She’s fearful. She desires it and fears it at the same time.

There you have it. We all say we want something (whatever that might be), but if you find that you are not getting it, then examine if there are fears attached to it. You can either choose to experience the fear, or avoid it. Avoiding it is safer, but it doesn’t offer as much growth. As for Jessica, she is working on overcoming her fear of the perfect relationship. It’s a process, but she has definitely made a lot of progress. Let me know if you need some help figuring out what fears are holding you back from your dreams :)

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If you have problems in any relationship, you are probably blaming the other person's behavior. But I want you to try to think about it another way: maybe your relationship isn’t bad because the other person won’t do the dishes, or because they are late all the time, or because they don’t listen when you talk. The real problem might be HOW YOU FEEL about all of these things.  This is called the Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction is a basic rule of physics that has been scientifically proven.  Simply stated: like attracts like.  We “get back” what we “put out.”  This universal law is based on the fact that we are all energy.  Us, you, the table, and the blade of grass – everything is made up of energy, and all energy vibrates at a different rate.  
 
The most powerful energy/vibrations that we emit are in the form of our emotions.  In fact, we are like a walking magnet.  We attract other emotions that are on the same wavelength as the ones we are “putting out.”  For example, I’m sure you would admit that it is much easier to be nice and loving to people when they are nice and loving toward you.  If someone is being negative towards you, then you most likely reciprocate with more negative emotion.  Your good or bad emotions elicit the same from other people.  As you can see, this is “like attracts like,” or the Law of Attraction in action.

What should you do about it? It all starts with awareness. You must consciously analyze the emotions you “put out” every day toward other people and count how many of them are positive and how many are negative. If you are heavy on the negative side, you need to make some radical adjustments to your
thinking.

Controlling your thoughts and emotions toward other people is difficult, but it can be done.  It takes
constant attention and practice, but it will be worth it! Try it and see how it changes your life :)

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Do you have life goals? Perhaps you don’t. Or maybe you have them, but you’ve never written them down. Most people don’t have goals. Or they don’t accomplish the ones they have.  And do you know why they haven’t accomplished them? Because they have “good intentions.” But that sounds pretty good, right? Good intentions are nice, right? Nope. Not at all. 

Here’s a life lesson for you: don’t live a life of good intentions.  Yes, you heard me correctly.  Don’t live a life of good intentions.  Live a life that gets you results. I know so many people who say, “I’ll start my diet on Monday…” or “I’ll look for a more fulfilling job tomorrow…” or “Next time, I’ll be more loving to my partner.”  Well, I want you, right here, right now, to commit to living a life of action.  Good intentions don’t get you anywhere.  Most people are the “all talk and no action” type.  But what’s the point?  You might as well not even have a good intention to begin with.

There is a phrase that I love:  “The Point of Power is Now.”  In other words, now is all we have. 
Yesterday is a memory, and tomorrow is still unrealized.  So the only time we have to act is now.  So just do “it,” whatever “it” is for you.

If something is really important to you, you’ll get to it right away. I’m sure if a reliable psychic told you that you would purchase the winning lottery ticket for next week’s drawing, you wouldn’t hesitate to go out and but that ticket now!!!  

So what are you waiting for in life?  Why aren’t you acting now?  No, really, why aren’t you? 
That’s a serious question that requires you to think about it in depth. 

I want you all to examine your hopes and dreams, whether they are new or being re-discovered. Life is about action. Life is about moving forward. And life is about positive challenge. If you don’t have positive challenge, then you stagnate. So commit to some positive goals, and accomplish them. Now!!


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Greetings everyone! And thanks for stopping by. It is my sincere wish that this blog helps you learn some things that you can apply to your life to make it better!

Let me start off by explaining how I came up with the theme of my website: “Life Lessons That You Never Learned in School.” 

I’m going to assume that most of you have not had any formal classes when you were
in school that taught you about life - whether it's communication, conflict management, listening, relationships, parenting, goal-setting, choosing your thoughts/emotions, balancing your life, or anything else related to these life skills. Why not? Well, it’s because our culture does not value them. Nothing against calculus, geology, physics, and other subjects like that, but when does the average person ever use this knowledge? Unless you are going to be an engineer, you will probably never use your calculus knowledge ever again.
 
I don’t mean to imply that these subjects are not important. They are. However, if
you think about the amount of time we spend communicating or parenting, or trying to figure out how to set/stick to new goals vs. the amount of time we spend doing complicated math problems, well, I think you see my point.

I am a communication professor, and I spent many years trying to get schools (even private preschools) to adopt communication programs that teach students to communicate effectively.
Unfortunately, I was unsuccessful. Why? Because our educational system is so“air-tight” and regimented that there is no room for anything else. 
 
Most people think, “We don’t need to study life skills like communication (or any other life skill for that matter) because we do that stuff all the time!” And in response to that, I say, “And that’s EXACTLY why we should study it! Because we do it ALL the time!” Let’s face it: most people are NOT good communicators. They THINK they are, but they are not. This leads to a whole list of problems that go along with it - such as poor relationships, jobs they hate, or just an overall dissatisfaction with life. And I have come across so many people who still really don't know what who they are, or what they want out of life. And even if they do, they don't know how to successfully hold it all together without losing their minds.

That’s where I come in, and why I started this website. I want to motivate and teach people how to improve their lives. From relationships to setting life goals, it all starts with focus and having the right tools. If we started learning these lessons when we were in preschool, then all of us would be pretty good at it by now. But the reality of it is … well … most people
are not.

So think about it. What areas of your life do YOU want to improve? It all starts with knowing what needs to be changed. And the next step is to learn how to do it. Then, DO IT!

Those are my thoughts for my first blog! I hope you stick around ... and please share this with your friends! :)
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