Fear & Desire

What you desire, you also fear. You might be thinking, “HUH????? That doesn’t make any sense!” Yep. That’s what I said. Let’s think about this for a second. One of the people that I coach, Jessica (not her real name), really desires to have an amazing romantic relationship. She’s been divorced, dated many men in the years that she’s been single, but yet still hasn’t found “the one.”

So you might be saying to yourself, “She’s too picky.” Or “All the good ones are taken.” Or “Maybe she has a difficult personality.” And none of this is true. I’ve known her a long time, and in my opinion, any man would be lucky to have her. But here’s the catch: even though she wants that relationship more than anything, she still fears it. It took me a long time to get her to admit to this. I would tell her, “You say you want it, but you are also scared of getting it.” She would always disagree with me.

Another important component here is that she’s pretty happy with her life at the moment. So think about it: If she got her perfect man, what would change? Or what could “go wrong?” Well, maybe she would have to adjust her lifestyle and limit doing some of the things she enjoys like going out with her friends. Or what if he dropped dead? Then maybe she would be lonely and grieving forever! Those are some of the things I finally got her to admit. She’s fearful. She desires it and fears it at the same time.

There you have it. We all say we want something (whatever that might be), but if you find that you are not getting it, then examine if there are fears attached to it. You can either choose to experience the fear, or avoid it. Avoiding it is safer, but it doesn’t offer as much growth. As for Jessica, she is working on overcoming her fear of the perfect relationship. It’s a process, but she has definitely made a lot of progress. Let me know if you need some help figuring out what fears are holding you back from your dreams :)

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