What to Do if You’re New to Online Dating

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Dear Dr. Carol,

I’m recently divorced, and 42. I am feeling confused and lost when it comes to the online dating world because a lot has changed since the last time I was “out there.”

While some of the things that are happening are amusing, they’re also frustrating and annoying as well. It seems like I’m seeing a pattern, and here it is:

It seems like men like to talk for a bit on the dating app or online dating site, and then they will ask for my phone number. From there, we start texting. I’m fine with that, because in my opinion, it’s a pretty good way to get to know someone right off the bat.

But there’s the kicker – most of the time, they start sending selfies to me and requesting that I send them too. I hate taking selfies, let alone sending them to people I don’t know. I even get “dick pics!” (ewwww!) I’m guessing that means they want to start sexting with me, but that’s just disgusting. So, how do I respond to these guys who want me to send them selfies?

The ones who are bit more respectful will only make small talk and don’t really ask me many questions about myself, my life, or what/who I’m looking for.

How and when can I ask them where all the texting between us is going? It seems endless.

How do I navigate online dating? Dr. Carol, I know you’re the best online dating coach in Dayton, so I really need your help. I would love to get some do’s and don’ts of online dating. Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks!

Mara Z.
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Dear Mara,

Oh, my goodness – where do I start?! I should write a book about this. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard this question. Online dating seems to the be norm these days, but most people are clueless and frustrated with the whole dating process.

Where to begin? First of all, I will send you my Online Dating Guide that I wrote. It has all the do’s and don’ts that you are looking for. But let me highlight some of them.

First, don’t text or email a guy for too long. I wouldn’t go more than a few days. If he hasn’t asked you out on a proper date by then, you should move on to find someone who will. Men who text endlessly are either looking for a sexting buddy or maybe they’re even married and getting their jollies.

And never, ever, keep talking to a guy who sends you dick pics!!

Also, you need to move on from men who don’t ask questions in attempt to get to know you. If they don’t, that means they don’t care. They’re either looking for a Friends-with-Benefits situation, or perhaps just sex alone.

Here’s some advice about your profile. Make sure you have tasteful photos. Don’t make them “sexy” in order to attract a man. If you have pictures like that, then you’re going to keep attracting these jerks. Have professional-looking pictures that give the impression that you are looking for a serious relationship.

Also pay attention to what you write in your profile. You have to write it very carefully so that you can weed out the jerks and attract the good ones. I have strategies that can be used to do that.

I wish I could give you more advice in this short advice column, but it would turn into a book! After you look at my Online Dating Guide, please contact me if you have any questions or would like my help with the profile writing and/or dating process. I would be happy to help!

And… don’t worry. There ARE good men out there! You just need know how and where to find them.

Good luck!

Cheers!

Dr. Carol

****If you would like help with the online dating or dating process, click on the button below to schedule your free 20-minute coaching call! As an online dating coach, it would be my pleasure to help you find the person of your dreams!****

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