![]() … you don’t say ‘No’ to your children! When I was little, my biological grandfather used to say to my Mom, “How do you get your girls so appreciative of an ice cream cone when they have everything they could ever want?” (we were relatively well-off). I know why. It’s because if we didn’t express our genuine appreciation to her, then we would never get anything ever again (this is only a slight exaggeration). And my sisters and I knew it. Whatever my mom did, it worked. Fast-forward a few years. Now, we live in a culture of excess. I wrote about this last month when I was ranting about the JC Penney TV commercial that encouraged us to leave our families on Thanksgiving night to go shopping on “Black Friday Eve.” I won’t rehash my problems with that (you can go read for yourself), but this is kind of an extension of this idea of excess and entitlement. When my kids were younger, they would complain. Oh who am I kidding, they still complain sometimes! LOL! But not nearly as much as they used to, because I have been trying to squash that behavior for years. But when they were little, they would complain about what was for dinner, or what toy they did or didn’t have. I would always have a long talk with them about how lucky they are and point out how they shouldn’t be complaining. Here’s one tactic I have used with them for many years. I sponsor a disadvantaged child in the Philippines. Actually, now I’m on my second child. The first one, Brian (yes, I know that doesn’t sound like a Filipino name, but it was!), has since grown up. Now I'm sponsoring Carl (not much more of a Filipino-sounding name, I realize). Anyway, when my boys complained, I would always get them in front of a computer and show them where Brian lived. I would say, “What do you think Brian would say about your complaining? He doesn’t even have a bed and hardly has any food to eat!” That always shut them right up. It even got to the point where just the mere mention of Brian - or the first part of the sentence - “What do you think Brian would –“ my sons would say, “Okay! Okay! Okay!! Nevermind! We get it!!!!” As good as this sounds, I still battle the complaining, even to this day. For example, my oldest son finally is at the age where he wants “cool shoes” (translation: EXPENSIVE shoes). I am the queen of buying shoes at Target, but no, apparently that’s no good anymore. He wanted “good” shoes. And the ones he wanted were $80.00. I’m thinking, “Really? What waste of money!” So we had a squabble about that one. He kept pushing, and I said, “Do you know how many kids in the world don’t even HAVE shoes? Not even one pair?!? Most families in the world live on less than $750 a YEAR!!!” Being 12, he understood, but he still wanted the $80.00 pair of shoes nonetheless. Ugh. I’m still fighting the effects of living in a culture of excess. Usually, I have no problem saying ‘no’ to them. Believe me, they are anything but deprived. But in my opinion, saying ‘no’ to them only gets them to appreciate what they do have. Most of the stuff they have they had to earn. I didn’t just hand over a brand-new iPhone to my oldest son. Okay, I did get him the shoes, but I made him wait until Christmas. Otherwise, I would have made him earn those too. The point of the blog is this: It’s okay to say ‘no’ to your kids. Just because you don’t buy them all the “cool” stuff or everything they ask for doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. I know we all want our kids to be happy, but as the saying goes, kids spell love “T-I-M-E.” On a side note, I also think it’s also okay to say no to yourself. Just because you want the newest, biggest, coolest thing-a-ma-jig that comes out, doesn’t mean you should buy it if you can’t afford it. :) I’ll leave you with this: I think human beings appreciate what they have when they have had to work for it…at least a little. Getting things handed to you on a silver platter only breeds expectation and a sense of entitlement. You don’t have to agree, but that’s how I see it. :) ****************************************************************************************************************************************** My book, Radical Relationship Resource: A Guide for Repairing, Letting Go, or Moving On is now available on Amazon and also here on my homepage or the ‘Books’ page. I also have E-Courses now available as well. (Here’s the link for the book just in case anyone is interested!) http://www.amazon.com/Radical-Relationship-Resource-Repairing-Leting/dp/0615901468/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382560098&sr=8-1&keywords=radical+relationship+resource ***Subscribe to my Blog on this page! Then send me an email at [email protected] and I will send you my free E-Course called, "A Crash Course in Self-Talk." It will help you analyze and get over negative things you tell yourself, about yourself. This is the first step toward positive self-growth!*** ***Friend me on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/carol.morgan.391***
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