Why do we fear that our partner will cheat? Well, there are many reasons.
First, and most importantly, many people internalize and personalize it. They think, “What is wrong with me? Why did they want someone else and not me? Am I too fat? Too skinny? Too ugly? Too mean? Too…. (fill in the blank)?”
But what you have to realize is that,, many times cheating is not about YOU. You are not inadequate. It’s the cheater that is inadequate.
The cheater probably has cheated before, and they will cheat again.
Hence, the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Of course, you can’t apply that philosophy to everyone who cheats. There are exceptions, but as a whole, the saying is probably true – if they cheat once, they’ll do it again.
Second, being cheated on is just gross – and potentially dangerous. You don’t know what kind of STD’s the other person might have… and transmit to you. That’s a scary part of being cheated on. But most people focus on the first part – the emotional one.
How to Get Over Someone Cheating on You
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I’ve seen a lot of people who have been cheated on. And it has the potential to affect their future relationships in a negative way. So, what can you do if you find out that your partner has cheated on you?
Here are some tips.
1. Grieve the loss.
Whether or not you decide to stay with the person (which I don’t usually recommend), you need to grieve the loss. The loss of what? First, the loss of the fantasy and/or reality that your partner will always be faithful to you. That’s gone. Also, you might actually lose the person too.
2. Don’t blame yourself.
As I mentioned earlier, a lot of people look to themselves to come up with answers for why their partner cheated on them. They try to focus on their own shortcomings, and not their partner’s. And they are the ones you should really blame, not yourself.
3. Don’t blame the person they cheated with either.
I’ve always found this one odd. Many people also have a tendency to blame the person their partner cheated with. Okay, if it’s your sister or best friend, then blame away! But if it’s someone you’ve never met, then it seems a bit weird. It’s your PARTNER who you should hold accountable. They should be strong enough to not give in to ANY temptation from an outside party.
4. Ask why they cheated on you.
People cheat for a variety of reasons. Some are simply sex addicts. Some just get bored being in a monogamous relationship. Some cheat for emotional reasons, if their partner isn’t giving them enough love and affection. Whatever the reason, it’s important to discuss it with your partner.
5. Remain calm.
When talking to your partner about the cheating, there will always be the tendency to get upset, cry, and maybe even yell, scream, and name-call. But this does no good. You have to try to remain calm. Yes, I know. Easier said than done. But it’s the only way you can get some sort of answers.
6. Seek support from friends and family.
Who is better at supporting you and making you feel better than the ones you love? Some people may not want to share the fact that they’ve been cheated on, but it does help to vent to other people and get a clear perspective on the situation.
7. Keep busy.
Don’t just sit around eating ice cream and watching sad romantic movies on Netflix. That will just make it worse. You need to get out there! Go out with your friends. Get on an online dating site if you break up. Start dating. Find new people to hang out with… and maybe even a new relationship.
8. See a therapist.
Sometimes, our friends and family are not enough support for us. While the mean well, they may be too close to the situation to have an objective viewpoint. Therefore, it will always help if you go see a therapist. They can help you work through your grief and move on with your life.
9. Get tested.
As much as you probably don’t want to think about this, it is a good idea to get tested for an STD. You never know what your partner might have brought home to you if you had sex with them after they cheated. Getting tested will just ease your mind.
10. Learn how to recognize red flags for the future.
Look back on the relationship. Were there signs that you missed? Did your partner “start working late” recently? Or did they hide their phone? Or were there other changes in behavior that you should have taken notice of? Think about it and keep that in mind in the future.
11. Move on.
Regaining trust after being cheated on is incredibly difficult. It takes a lot of work and energy on both people’s parts. And sometimes it’s just not worth it. Since there’s a chance your partner might cheat again, maybe it’s better to just cut your losses and move on. Find someone else who you can trust.
Infidelity stinks. No one wants to be the victim of it. But if you want to know how to get over someone cheating on you, then these 11 tips will help you. Once you are ready, then get out there and start online dating… you’ll be happy you did!
***If you want my coaching on how to find the perfect partner for you via online dating, then contact me today!***