Is Insecurity Ruining Your Relationship?

Dear Dr. Carol,

​About a week ago, I met this great guy. And so far, we’ve already had 3 dates! As far as I can tell so far, he seems like me quite a bit because he is putting effort into “chasing” me.

I am so excited that I got to meet him because I’m very picky and don’t find most guys attractive.
But as time goes on and I get to know him better, I’m becoming more and more insecure. He’s not giving me any reason to feel this way – his behavior has been attentive and good. However, here’s the thing.

During some of our conversations, he told me that he usually loses interest in women pretty quickly. Even though it seemed like he had good reasons to lose this interest in them, I am just so worried that he’s going to lose interest in me too!

I think that other things that are adding to my insecurity is that he’s quite rich, good-looking, and can probably have any women he wants. I don’t want to be hurt if I fall for him but then he dumps me! 

I think my insecurity might be sabotaging my ability to just enjoy the dating and see where it goes.
So, Dr. Carol, I know you’re the best dating coach in Dayton, so can you help me find a way to stop being so insecure and more positive about this potential relationship? I don’t want to fall for him and then be devastated.

Thanks for your help!

Jenna M.
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Dear Jenna,

It’s not uncommon for people to be insecure in general – especially during the early days of dating. I don’t know if you met him by doing online dating, a dating app, or just the old-fashioned way. But either way, your issue resides inside you.

Our society has a way of making us all feel insecure. Think about it – all we see in the media are stick-skinny models and beautiful people. Those are NOT average people. They are an unrealistic standard. Probably less than 1% of the population looks like them.

Because we’re taught to focus so much on our outer selves and how we look, we neglect to look within… at our inner beauty.

Trust me, inner beauty is much better than outer beauty. And I’m sure you are beautiful person inside and out. You just have to believe it!!

Research has shown that men would much rather be with an average-looking woman who is confident with herself than a stunningly beautiful woman who is insecure. So that proves that inner beauty trumps outer beauty.

I don’t know the reasons you feel insecure, but it’s likely that the reasons aren’t even valid.
Here’s what you do. Write down ALL your GOOD qualities. What do you love about yourself? Ask family and friends to tell you what’s awesome about you too. Then, look the list over and over until you believe it.

The sad thing about dating is that most people go into a date thinking, “Oh gosh, I hope he/she likes ME!” When in reality, they SHOULD be thinking “Oh gosh I really hope I like THEM!”

You see, you have to have enough self-love where you don’t even care if someone doesn’t like you or rejects you. Because if they can’t recognize your beauty, then they don’t deserve you!

In other words, YOU should be “interviewing” THEM to see if they are worthy of YOU. Not the other way around.

Raising your self-esteem takes time, but you can do it! 

You’re worth it.

Good luck!

Cheers!

Dr. Carol

****If you need dating coaching or online dating coaching, give me a call! I’d be happy to help you find the relationship of your dreams!****
 

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