If you’re new to the dating world, maybe you haven’t heard of the term “ghosting.” And no, I’m not referring to Casper the Friendly Ghost or your dead grandma appearing to you in your dreams. I’m talking about a really rude - yet common - occurrence that happens in the dating world these days… especially online dating.
“Ghosting” is a term that is used when someone you were dating just literally disappears. Yes, you heard me right. They disappear with no goodbye, no official breakup, and no explanation.
It’s happened to me before – several times. Usually, it happened after 1, 2, or maybe even 3 dates. I just wouldn’t ever hear from them again. And it always left me wondering, “Hmmm. That’s weird. I thought we got along quite well!” But I was never usually very invested in them, so I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on.
But one time, I was dating a guy for 2 months. He told me he could “spend the next 50 years with me” and he “feels like he’s known me for lifetimes” and “this is too perfect” and “I feel so close to you.” It made me think that perhaps this was it – maybe I had found the one!
His behavior became increasingly erratic and unpredictable. Okay, I’m being too kind. He became downright disrespectful and rude. Not because he was abusive or anything, I just couldn’t pin him down on any sort of plans. He would say he’d show up, then hours before, give some lame excuse why he couldn’t come.
He was gone.
WTH?! I mean, when we were together, it was awesome. But when we were apart it was crickets.
You’d think after 2 months of dating someone that you’d at least offer some sort of explanation of why they wanted to end it.
But not with ghosting. That’s why it’s called ghosting. They disappear into thin air without notice.
Why would someone ghost you? Well, there are many reasons. But they’re not good ones. Let’s take a look at some of them.
Why Someone Might Ghost You
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I know all too well that I am not the only person who has been ghosted. In fact, I think most people have. But when it happens to you, you can’t help but wonder what happened? Why would someone ghost you? Why in the world would someone treat another human being with such disrespect? Well, here are a few reasons.
1. They despise conflict.
Okay, most people don’t like conflict. And most people don’t like breakups either. They’re usually painful – even for the person who is doing the dumping. People who ghost feel that way too, and so they just avoid it. They think that if they just disappear, then they won’t have to deal with the conflict and fallout of an actual breakup.
2. They’re immature.
Ghosting behavior is immature. It’s running away. It’s not facing up to your actions and treating people with respect. Yes, it’s difficult to tell someone that they are not the love of your life and you want to end things. But it’s the mature thing to do. The other person will actually respect you for it.
3. They have no empathy.
Most people who ghost have probably never thought about how much it hurts the other person. All they care about if avoiding their own discomfort during a breakup. They don’t put themselves into the other person’s shoes and think about how much it might hurt them to be ghosted. Or at very least, not think about how rude it is to leave things unfinished and have unanswered questions.
4. They found someone else.
Maybe they really did like you, but they met someone else they like better. That’s understandable, but it’s still not an excuse to hurt someone else by just disappearing on them. The online dating game is not always kind. It’s way too easy to keep your options open. But that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
5. They were never really serious to begin with.
Sometimes we think the person we’re dating is equally as interested and invested in the relationship as we are. They might even act like it. But it’s easy to mistake sexual interest or getting along well as a sign that they want a serious relationship with you. If they ghost you, then they clearly didn’t like you that much.
6. They’re players.
Let’s face it – there are just some awful people out there who are constant players. Especially when it comes to online dating, it’s way too easy to talk to as many people as you can possibly keep up with. So just because you’re dating someone, don’t assume that you are the ONLY one they are dating or talking to. Because you probably aren’t. And if so, then you run the risk of getting ghosted.
So there’s your answer to the question, “why would someone ghost you?” Ghosting is a horrible modern trend in the online dating world – or just in dating in general. It’s unkind. It’s disrespectful. It hurts people. So, if you’ve been ghosted, now you know some possible reasons. But if you are a ghoster yourself, please, please, stop doing it. Have a little respect and empathy for people and live by the Golden Rule!
***If you need online dating coaching, let me help you. Contact me today!***
Dr. Carol Morgan &
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