How Many Dates Should You Have Before Having Sex?

Dear Dr. Carol,

I am divorced and have recently started back on the dating scene. I’m in my mid-40s, and I was married for almost 20 years. All I can say is – wow! Dating has really changed since I was last out there.

I have gone on a few dates with several men, but I always find myself wondering how long I should wait to have sex with them? I don’t want to be a slut and do it right away, but then again, I am a 40-something woman, so I don’t want to wait forever. What are the “new rules” for how many dates you should have before you have sex?

I’ve heard you’re the best dating coach in Dayton, so I wanted to ask you about it.

Thanks in advance.

Connie F.

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Dear Connie,

Thanks for the compliment! I love being a dating coach, so I am very happy to help you with this dilemma.

This is a great question, and you are not the only one who ponders this.

Historically, we all know that men were the ones who took the lead and did the “chasing,” so-to-speak. Decades ago, women would never call a man, ask him out on a date, or pay for anything. Let alone initiate sex!

But as we know, a lot has changed about our society – and that includes the rules for dating. That’s why I love being a dating coach; I get to help people navigate their love lives.

Let me start out by saying there is no right or wrong answer. For example, I know couples who had sex on the first date, and now they are happily married. But I also know people who took it very slowly with regards to intimacy, and it didn’t work out.

So, I think the actual number of dates you wait to have sex is very subjective.

I think perhaps it’s best to wait as long as you think is necessary. Keep in mind some men might just be out to get sex. So, you really want to keep your eye out for any red flags you might see.

I assume you are looking for a relationship and not a friends-with-benefits situation, so pay attention to your intuition and do whatever you feel is right for you. Just be mentally and emotionally prepared if the relationship doesn’t work out.

If you have any more questions or would like some dating coaching, please let me know!

Cheers!

Dr. Carol
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