If you’ve ever heard of - or read - the book The Rules, you might think that playing hard to get is the way to go to win over a man. But does it really work?
If you haven’t heard of that book, basically it was written by a couple of women who wrote down the advice that had been passed down to them throughout the generations. It gives you “rules” for how to catch and keep a man.
While I am not a fan of the book because I don’t like most of their advice, for some people, it might be useful. Because in essence, it is giving you strategies for playing hard to get.
But as an online dating coach in Dayton, I know that these strategies don’t always work.
Let’s take a look at some reasons why playing hard to get may - or may not - work.
Why Playing Hard to Get May Work
If you know anything about psychology, you know that human beings typically want what they can’t have. You have probably experienced yourself – we all have.
It’s probably because, at a primal level, we think that if something is being withheld from us then other people must want to keep it for themselves… so it must be good.
And then there’s reverse psychology. What this involves is tricking someone into thinking you want them to do the opposite of what you really want them to do. And as a result, they’ll do the “opposite” of what you want, which is really what you want. Get it?
You see, humans are very interesting creatures.
So, the “playing hard to get” tactic in dating or online dating may work sometimes. The reason is that if someone feels like they have to chase you, then you must be valuable. And people tend to value the things that they have to work for.
No one likes a needy person. Needy people are a turn-off. So, if you tend to be the type of person who wants and needs a lot of attention, then it is probably in your best interest to play hard to get so you won’t scare people off.
Why Playing Hard to Get May NOT Work
While there is evidence that does prove that people want what they can’t have, there is also another side of the coin.
Playing hard to get in dating or the online dating world can only work for so long. Because, yes, the chase is fun – for a while. But if you play hard to get TOO MUCH or for TOO LONG, then you will be sending the message that you are simply not interested.
If that happens, then your strategy has backfired.
For me, when I was dating, I didn’t purposely play hard to get. However, I am a happy, confident person who has friends and a lot of other things going on in my life. So, I have been told by guys that it seemed like I was a bit uninterested.. but they just weren’t sure. And they found it intriguing.
For example, my boyfriend Joe, the other half of my online dating coaching duo, “Her Side & His Side,” told me that he knew I was interested, but I wasn’t acting like most normal women do. I guess I rarely initiated contact and didn’t act needy. But he liked it, and here we are now in a happy, healthy relationship.
Bottom line: there is no easy answer to the question “does playing hard to get work?” It’s different for everyone. I know if someone tried it with me, I would chalk it up to them being uninterested. Then I would shrug my shoulders and move on with my life.
But I’m not everyone.
I think it’s important to walk that fine line of not being overly needy but still acting like you’re interested. It’s not an easy thing to do… but it’s the best thing to do.
***If you need any online dating or dating coaching to learn how to walk that line, contact me today. I would love to help you find the relationship of your dreams!***
Dr. Carol Morgan &
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