You were happy. You thought everything was going great. You were in love. Then… BAM!!! A bomb is dropped on you, and you get dumped. How did this happen? How do you go on?
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I know all too well that being dumped is never an easy thing to deal with. Trust me – I see it all the time. It can seriously damage someone’s self-esteem, even if it’s just temporary.
All sorts of things go through your mind like, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Did I say/do something wrong?” and “How did I not see this coming?”
It’s easy to beat yourself up over it. Most people personalize it and think it’s all about them. I mean, that’s the natural thing to do, right? You think it’s about you since they broke up with YOU.
But not so fast. It might not even be about YOU! You could have done everything right, and they still would have broken up with you. So, don’t take it so hard.
Let’s take a look at somethings you can do if you want to know how to get over being dumped.
1. Cry. Grieve.
Being dumped is like a death. It’s a serious ending to something that you thought was happy. And if it happens suddenly without warning, it’s even worse. So, you have to grieve the loss. Not only the loss of the person, but the loss of the relationship and the dreams you had of the two of you in the future.
2. Dissect the relationship.
Try to figure out what went wrong. Did you do or say something to contribute to the breakup? Did your ex send you warning signs of the impending breakup and you ignored them? If you did something wrong, use it as a learning experience for your next relationship. If you didn’t, well, then you just have accept that the two of you are not a good match.
3. Write down all your good qualities.
When we get dumped, we don’t feel very good about ourselves. I mean, if we were good enough, then they wouldn’t have broken up with us, right? That’s absolutely not true. Perhaps the person was just emotionally unavailable or a chronic cheater. But you DO have good qualities. Write them down and remind yourself of how awesome you are.
4. Go out with friends.
After you grieve for a while, get out there! Go have some fun! Grab a few of your friends and go to the bars. Go skydiving. Go on vacation. Go anywhere that will get your mind off the breakup. The key here is to distract yourself and also to have fun while doing it. Just because your relationship ended, that doesn’t mean that your life has ended. Focus on the good things and keep yourself busy.
5. Don’t hold on to hope.
I know you might still be pining away for your ex and hoping that one day they’ll realize that they made a huge mistake and come running back… begging you to get married. Well, don’t hold your breath. That rarely happens. Just accept the breakup and don’t spend your energy trying to get them back… or hoping they will come to their senses. If you try to get them back, you’ll just look needy, and then they’ll realize that they made the right choice in breaking up with you.
6. Start online dating.
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I can definitely tell you this a great tip for how to get over being dumped! It not only focuses you on the future, but it also gets you attention from other people. Online dating helps you realize that there are other fish in the sea – not just your ex. There are other people who will value you and want to date you. So, whether you choose online dating or dating apps, it’s a great way to move on and find someone better suited for you.
Being dumped is never fun. It can cause some self-esteem problems and a lot of grief. But it doesn’t last forever! It’s up to you to take back your power, pull yourself back into life, and move on. You can do it. It might take time, but now that you know how to get over being dumped, you will find Mr. or Ms. Right in no time!
***If you need online dating coaching, let me help you. Contact me today!***
If you’re new to the dating world, maybe you haven’t heard of the term “ghosting.” And no, I’m not referring to Casper the Friendly Ghost or your dead grandma appearing to you in your dreams. I’m talking about a really rude - yet common - occurrence that happens in the dating world these days… especially online dating.
“Ghosting” is a term that is used when someone you were dating just literally disappears. Yes, you heard me right. They disappear with no goodbye, no official breakup, and no explanation.
It’s happened to me before – several times. Usually, it happened after 1, 2, or maybe even 3 dates. I just wouldn’t ever hear from them again. And it always left me wondering, “Hmmm. That’s weird. I thought we got along quite well!” But I was never usually very invested in them, so I just shrugged my shoulders and moved on.
But one time, I was dating a guy for 2 months. He told me he could “spend the next 50 years with me” and he “feels like he’s known me for lifetimes” and “this is too perfect” and “I feel so close to you.” It made me think that perhaps this was it – maybe I had found the one!
His behavior became increasingly erratic and unpredictable. Okay, I’m being too kind. He became downright disrespectful and rude. Not because he was abusive or anything, I just couldn’t pin him down on any sort of plans. He would say he’d show up, then hours before, give some lame excuse why he couldn’t come.
He was gone.
WTH?! I mean, when we were together, it was awesome. But when we were apart it was crickets.
You’d think after 2 months of dating someone that you’d at least offer some sort of explanation of why they wanted to end it.
But not with ghosting. That’s why it’s called ghosting. They disappear into thin air without notice.
Why would someone ghost you? Well, there are many reasons. But they’re not good ones. Let’s take a look at some of them.
Why Someone Might Ghost You
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I know all too well that I am not the only person who has been ghosted. In fact, I think most people have. But when it happens to you, you can’t help but wonder what happened? Why would someone ghost you? Why in the world would someone treat another human being with such disrespect? Well, here are a few reasons.
1. They despise conflict.
Okay, most people don’t like conflict. And most people don’t like breakups either. They’re usually painful – even for the person who is doing the dumping. People who ghost feel that way too, and so they just avoid it. They think that if they just disappear, then they won’t have to deal with the conflict and fallout of an actual breakup.
2. They’re immature.
Ghosting behavior is immature. It’s running away. It’s not facing up to your actions and treating people with respect. Yes, it’s difficult to tell someone that they are not the love of your life and you want to end things. But it’s the mature thing to do. The other person will actually respect you for it.
3. They have no empathy.
Most people who ghost have probably never thought about how much it hurts the other person. All they care about if avoiding their own discomfort during a breakup. They don’t put themselves into the other person’s shoes and think about how much it might hurt them to be ghosted. Or at very least, not think about how rude it is to leave things unfinished and have unanswered questions.
4. They found someone else.
Maybe they really did like you, but they met someone else they like better. That’s understandable, but it’s still not an excuse to hurt someone else by just disappearing on them. The online dating game is not always kind. It’s way too easy to keep your options open. But that doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do.
5. They were never really serious to begin with.
Sometimes we think the person we’re dating is equally as interested and invested in the relationship as we are. They might even act like it. But it’s easy to mistake sexual interest or getting along well as a sign that they want a serious relationship with you. If they ghost you, then they clearly didn’t like you that much.
6. They’re players.
Let’s face it – there are just some awful people out there who are constant players. Especially when it comes to online dating, it’s way too easy to talk to as many people as you can possibly keep up with. So just because you’re dating someone, don’t assume that you are the ONLY one they are dating or talking to. Because you probably aren’t. And if so, then you run the risk of getting ghosted.
So there’s your answer to the question, “why would someone ghost you?” Ghosting is a horrible modern trend in the online dating world – or just in dating in general. It’s unkind. It’s disrespectful. It hurts people. So, if you’ve been ghosted, now you know some possible reasons. But if you are a ghoster yourself, please, please, stop doing it. Have a little respect and empathy for people and live by the Golden Rule!
***If you need online dating coaching, let me help you. Contact me today!***
Breakups are never easy – even if you are the one who wanted it in the first place. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, it can be difficult to move on with your life, especially if you had been together for a long time.
Some people move on easier than others. And what determines that is a variety of factors. For example, if you have wanted out of the relationship for a long time, then maybe you are mentally and emotionally ready to move on immediately. But if the love of your life dropped a bomb and suddenly broke up with you, then that’s a whole different story.
Let’s divide this advice up into two categories. First, let’s start with how to move on after a relationship if you’re left stunned and heartbroken.
Tips for How to Move on After a Relationship if You’re Heartbroken
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I can tell you that I’ve seen it all. And I prefer to work with people who are truly ready to find love again. Because if you are still heartbroken from your loss, then you are not ready to do online dating – or any dating for that matter. So here are some tips for how to move on after a relationship if you’re heartbroken.
1. Grieve the loss.
This might sound like a no-brainer. Like, OF COURSE you’re going to grieve the loss of your partner, right? Well, that might be true for some people. But others are really good at ignoring and suppressing their emotions. That’s not healthy. Let me repeat – THAT’S NOT HEALTHY. Do NOT ignore your sorrow and grief. Cry. Cry a lot. Cry until you can’t cry any more.
2. Dissect the relationship and figure out what went wrong.
Just because you were blindsided from the breakup, that doesn’t mean you might not have missed some signs that it was failing. Sometimes we are blind to what’s happening in our relationships until it’s too late. So, take an honest look back and see what happened. Was it you? Was it them? What did you do to contribute to the breakup… if anything? Once you figure this out, it will help you make better relationship choices in the future.
Tips for How to Move on After a Relationship if You’re Happy & Healed
Obviously, this is a much better mental and emotional state to be in. But not everyone can get there right away. As an online dating coach, I know that research says the sometimes it takes an average of 2 years to get over a breakup – sometimes longer. So here are some tips if you are ready to move on.
1. Get out there!
And by that, I mean get out there physically and virtually. Join an online dating site or an app. Or both! Just get your face and profile out there so you can start meeting people. If you don’t like the online dating route, then go out with friends so you can meet new people. Or join groups in the community. Or ask your friends to set you up. Just get out there.
2. Write down your “must haves” and your “deal breakers.”
If you have had several failed relationships, then you can turn those into successes. How? By looking back and what you had that you liked and didn’t like in every partner/relationship you’ve ever had. What did you love? What did you hate? What do you NEED in the future. What can you NOT put up with?
3. Enjoy being single for a while.
Just because you’re single now doesn’t mean that you have to jump into another relationship right away. There are a lot of advantages to being single! You don’t have to answer to anyone, and you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. So, take this time to explore yourself and who you really are as a person. Then, when you are ready to find your soul mate you will be refreshed and much more ready to establish a health relationship.
Being single can be scary, but it can be fun too. So, regardless of how your relationship ended, make sure you take care of yourself. Look back at the past and figure out how you’re going to do better in the future. Because a breakup can be viewed a learning experience – if you choose to see it that way!
***If you’re ready to move on after your breakup and need an online dating coach, don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d be happy to help!***
We all want to be loved, right? I mean, who doesn’t want to find their soul mate and live happily ever after? I’m sure there may be some people who would rather live a life being single forever, but for the majority of us, we don’t.
Being single is a funny thing. Some people embrace it, some people tolerate it, and some people fear it. I am somewhere in between “embracing” and “tolerating.” When I was single, I always said “I prefer to be in a relationship, but only a GOOD relationship. Otherwise, I’d rather be single.”
But I’m not like everyone. Some people hate being single so much that they just settle for anyone and ignore all the red flags they see waving all around someone they’re dating.
Some red flags are obvious. For example, abusive or neglectful behavior of any kind should be considered a deal breaker by anyone (although unfortunately, it’s not). But other red flags can masquerade around as signs that you’ve found your soul mate, when in fact they are nothing more than signs of love bombing.
Just in case you are unfamiliar with what love bombing actually is, here is a definition for you. Basically, it’s when a person you are dating showers you with attention, compliments, and love. Sounds great, right? Well… not so fast.
As an online dating coach in Dayton, I can tell you that I see signs of love bombing all the time in my clients. And I can tell you that it’s not a pretty thing. I am happy that I am there for them to point out the warning signs before they get in too deep with someone.
You see, love bombing feels good. And usually, we think red flags feel bad. And that’s the scary thing about love bombing. You don’t even know it’s being done to you until it’s too late.
And when it comes to online dating, well, it can happen all the time. So, I want to tell you about some very common signs of love bombing so that you can protect yourself from being a victim of this frequent occurrence in the world of dating.
Signs of Love Bombing
Just to let you know – I have been a victim of love bombing myself. Hey, I’m human too! And at first, I loved it. They make you feel special. But it didn’t take too long for me to catch on and realize they were full of sh*t.
Here are some signs of love bombing to look for:
1. They are too quick to say “I love you.”
It’s one thing to really be in love and have both of you say “I love you” after a month of dating. But it’s another thing to say it on the second date. Some people might think it’s romantic and amazing, but really, who can fall in love that quickly? Beware of people who are moving way too fast with expressing their feelings or planning a future with you.
2. They always tell you what you want to hear.
“You are the most beautiful woman in the world!” or “You are my soul mate!” or “I’ve waiting all my life to find you!” are all wonderful things to hear. But NOT when they are bull sh*t. It’s great to hear from a person who actually means it. But in love bombing, there is no sincerity to anything.
3. They feel too good to be true.
You feel like God has finally answered your prayers. This man is PERFECT. He says the right things, does the right things, and has virtually no flaws at all. A dream come true, right? Well, probably not. As the saying goes, if it feels too good to be true, then it probably is. It’s hard to admit that to yourself when you so desperately want to be in love. But no one is perfect. However, a love bomber tries to make you think they are.
4. They do wildly romantic things for you.
Sending two dozen roses to your work? Yep, that’s a sign of love bombing. Taking you to fancy restaurants and planning romantic picnics every weekend? Yep, those too. I’m not saying that everyone who does romantic things are love bombers. But just watch the way they do it. And how often they do it. Then you will see if it’s actually a red flag or not.
5. They make you feel like your love was destined.
Maybe they actually call you their soul mate. Or if not, they just make you feel like soul mates. They tell you that your love was destined. Well, maybe it was, but most likely – with a love bomber – it’s not. Don’t fall into this trap. Keep your guard up a little and don’t let them suck you in with these lovey-dovey words.
As you can see from these signs of love bombing, they give you constant attention. It feels good, but it’s deceptive. And as an online dating coach, I know that – frequently - these kinds of people change quite quickly into abusive partners. So, don’t get yourself caught in the web of love bombing!
***Want some help identifying a love bomber? Remember, I’m an online dating coach who can help you! Email me on the contact form today!***
Sometimes, online dating gets a bad rap. When it first came on the scene in the early 2000s, there was a stigma surrounding it. The attitude was somewhat like, “What kind of loser would have to go online to find a date?”
Luckily, in the years since, online dating and dating apps have become wildly popular. In fact, it seems like almost everyone who is single is turning to it to get dates and find their soulmates.
However, even though online dating is popular, that doesn’t mean the stigma is gone. And not just the stigma, but fear as well.
Fear of what? Well, let’s face it – there are a lot of creeps out there. And some of these creeps are on the online dating sites and dating apps. And even the normal people can be flakes too. So, of course, it normal and natural to have some reservations when it comes to online dating.
However, as an online dating coach in Dayton who has even been through it myself, I can tell you that there are definite advantages to it. So, let’s take a look at why I think you should try online dating. Or even if you have, why you should give it another try.
1. It’s convenient.
Think about it. To meet someone the old-fashioned way, you actually have to leave the house. But with online dating, you can sit in your jammies with a glass of wine and go through the profiles of prospective dates.
I don’t mean to imply that the old-fashioned way isn’t great, but it’s a lot less convenient. Maybe you’ll have a friend who sets you up on a blind date, but do your taste and hers really match up? Probably not. And if not, then you have to be lucky enough to happen to run into Mr. or Ms. Right on your own when you are out and about. It could be a bar, the grocery store, or Kings Island. It could happen. But the chances of it happening aren’t as good as you getting a date from online dating.
2. You can narrow your dating pool down.
Think about it – isn’t it better to have endless options of who to date rather than limiting yourself to dumb luck? As an online dating coach in Dayton, I know first hand how awesome it is to be able to search for someone with all your requirements.
Many dating sites will allow you to look for people based on all sorts of requirements, including income, age, height, occupation, lifestyle, and much more. I always suggest that my clients write down their “must haves” and “deal breakers” so we can narrow in on people with whom they’ll actually be compatible with.
3. You can screen people before you meet them.
You can tell a lot about a person from their profile. For example, I can’t tell you how many people star their profile with, “I really hate talking about myself, so if you want to know something, just ask.”
First of all, why do they hate talking about themselves so much? Don’t they like who they are? And second of all, maybe they’re just too lazy to put any effort into writing a good profile that might attract a prospective partner. And if they’re too lazy to do THAT, then think about how lazy they will be if you get into a relationship with them!
4. You will have good stories to tell.
I know so many people who have a bad attitude about online dating. But as a dating coach, I have to tell you that you just have to have fun with it! I always try to screen my clients’ dates as best as I can, but once in a while, you might just get someone who isn’t who they say they are. And then, think about all the funny stories you can tell your friends!
I realize your goal is to find a partner, and not a funny story when you are doing online dating. But when you have a sense of humor about it, then it just makes it that much more of an enjoyable experience.
So, what do you think? Are you ready to take the plunge? Contact me when you’re ready and I will help you have the best experience of your life!
Imagine this scenario. You’re a woman, and you have a long-time crush on a man you work with. After some flirting, he finally asks you out on a date. You get all gussied up, putting on your best outfit and hope for the best. He picks you up, brings you to a fun restaurant, and you both seem to be having a great time.
Then the check comes.
What now? Do you make a lame attempt at reaching for it? And if you do, would it insult him? But if you don’t, will he think you’re a gold digger?
And now let’s add in another twist. Since you work together, you know that you are ranked higher than him, and thus, make more money.
Is it more appropriate for the person with more money to pay… regardless of gender?
Fifty years ago, no one would even be asking these questions. It was ALWAYS the man who pays. But this is 2018. And as a dating coach in Dayton, Ohio, I get this question a lot. So, I thought I would take the time to talk about it in order to clear the air.
Well, let me say, there is no easy answer. Sorry to burst your bubble!
It would be simple for me to say that the man should pay. That would make it nice and definitive, and it would end the debate right there.
And I will start off by saying, that in my opinion, I do think the man should pay at least for the first date – preferably for the first several dates.
Why? Well, let me tell you.
It’s because I believe chivalry is dying… if not already dead. Now don’t get me wrong. I label myself as a feminist. But most people have the wrong idea of a feminist. Not all of us are bra-burning, man-haters. I am a feminist because I believe that men and women are fundamentally equal and should be treated as such.
However, with that said, I don’t think that man is being degrading to a woman if he pays for a date. Or opens doors for her. Or pulls out her chair. I just think that’s plain old-fashioned respect. Heck, I open doors for strangers, so does that make me someone who thinks less of that person that I held the door for? Ummm… no.
And just to add a side note here: when I go out on a date, I always offer to pay my half. I don’t think I’ve ever had a man take me up on the offer, but at least he knows that I don’t expect him to pay.
Anyway, even though I think the man should pay for the first few dates, there are some other things to be discussed that could complicate the situation.
For example, what if the woman asked the man out? Is he still required to pay? In my opinion, no. If I asked a man out on a date, I would fully expect to pay. However, I would expect him to at least offer to pay - or at least split the check.
I know it’s not fair, and perhaps a bit of a double standard. But I think if a man doesn’t even TRY to pay, then maybe he’s not a quality man. In fact, it could be a huge red flag that he’s a taker and not a giver.
I think whoever asks whom out should at least be prepared to pay for both.
So, back to the question of who pays if the woman makes more money. I stand by what I just said. Because some men have fragile egos, and if you give the impression that you don’t think he can afford to take you on a date, then to him, it might be like you asking him to turn in his “man card.”
There you have it. There is no hard-and-fast rule for who should pay on a date, but I think this is a good guideline to follow. Because as a dating coach, I have see this advice work for most people.
If you need any guidance in your dating life, don’t hesitate to contact me!
Dr. Carol Morgan &
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