Relationships can be difficult, but they don’t have to be. One of the things that makes them difficult is when people worry obsessively over things they probably shouldn’t. What people worry about varies from person to person, but here are 8 common things that many people stress about that can ruin relationships. Think about it. Do any of these sound like you?
Do you worry that …
1. Your partner might cheat.
Everyone wants to be their partner’s “one and only,” right? Somewhere, deep inside (or not so deep), we think that once we’re in our relationship, our boyfriend or girlfriend won’t even notice anyone else but us. But let’s think about this for a minute. No one becomes blind to attractive people in the world just because they start dating someone. It’s pretty normal, actually. But not everyone acts on their attraction. What you need to do is work on your self-esteem so that you think that if your partner wanted to cheat on you then they don’t appreciate a quality person like yourself, and so you wouldn’t want them anyway.
2. Your partner might break up with you.
Again, as I said in the first point, fearing that your boyfriend or girlfriend might dump you is rooted in low self-esteem. Plus, it’s just wasted negative energy. If you feel good about yourself, then you wouldn’t worry about them breaking up with you. You should think that you’re areal catch. Because you are! Have the attitude that your partner is lucky to have you. That way, you won’t put negative emotions out there and ruin the relationship.
3. You’re not good enough for the partner.
Okay, you are going to start seeing a theme here. Self-esteem, self-esteem, self-esteem! It all comes down to having good self-esteem. If you think you’re not good enough for your partner, why do you think this? Do you think you’re too fat? Too short? Too uneducated? Too poor? Too shy? Too unattractive? And the list goes on. Well, get over it! Realize that you are good enough for your partner. I’ve heard many people say that the most attractive quality in a person is self-confidence. So, if a super model is unsure of herself, many men would find her “less attractive.” Conversely, if an average, overweight person exudes self-love and confidence, that is much more attractive.
4. Your partner is not good enough for you.
Or, maybe you have too much self-esteem. Okay, I think that’s an oxymoron. But, there is a fine line between having self-confidence and being egotistical. Actually, people who come across as egotistical don’t really love themselves. They just want to appear like they do, which is why they put so much effort into having other people focus on them. However, with that said, you need to accept and love your partner for who they are. Everyone is perfect in his or her own way. But that doesn’t mean that everyone is perfect for you. If you don’t feel like the two of you are a good match, then move on! A happy relationship comes from compatibility and equality.
5. Your partner’s friends and family don’t like you.
Hello? Self-esteem again? Why wouldn’t they like you? Are you a horrible person? Probably not! If they don’t like you, then one of three things are going on: (1) you really are a horrible person (probably not!), (2) they are a bad judge of character (maybe), or (3) they are just very, very different people than you are (think extrovert vs. introvert, or overly intellectual vs. not so much). And honestly, #3 is probably the most likely. If #3 is true, it’s really no big deal. So what if you’re different? If everyone was the same, then the world would be a very boring place.
6. Your partner prefers to be with other people over you.
I’m not going to say it again. You know what I’m thinking (yep, self-esteem issues). Okay, so even if your partner does spend a lot of time with his or her friends, family, or at work, does that mean that they don’t love you? Absolutely not! Everyone is different! An extrovert and an introvert have a very difficult time understanding each other. Extroverts love and need to spend time with a lot of people. Often. Introverts don’t need that. So it can seem like a personal rejection to the introvert, but it’s not. It’s just that you are different. Spending time with other people does not equal rejection!
7. Your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore.
This one could be based in self-esteem, or it could be that a lot of time has gone by and your partner just doesn’t seem to be as sexually responsive to you as he or she did in the beginning of the relationship. Actually, that’s not an uncommon occurrence. But don’t fret. If you have gained weight or lost sight of taking care of yourself, then do something about it! But if it’s just a natural progression through different phases of a relationship, then don’t worry about it. You will settle into a natural rhythm. If you don’t, then talk about it and meet in the middle. And if that doesn’t work for you, then move on!
8. You don’t have enough sex (or too much).
As I said in #7, maybe it’s just a relationship phase. Or maybe one partner has physically changed a lot. Or maybe one partner seems like a nymphomaniac compared to the other’s sex drive. Either way, this situation calls for having an open, honest conversation. Communication is key to a good, healthy relationship. So if your sex life isn’t what you want it to be, then just talk to each other. Sharing perspectives helps clear the air and helps you both understand each other.
To sum it all up, remember two things. First, love yourself! You are beautiful (or handsome) and awesome! Don’t let any worrying mess up your relationship. If you don’t love yourself, then work on your self-esteem. It can be done! And second, worrying is like praying for something you don’t want to happen. Negative energy aimed toward your partner isn’t productive. It just adds to the problem. So love yourself, embrace the positive, and be happy.
Dr. Carol Morgan &
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